And then, there's this moment.

And then, there’s this moment.
When everything you believed in,
So truly,
So completely and steadfastly,
Is suddenly hurled into oblivion,
Quickly, quietly,
So that it slips away without a shimmer.
It leaves you torn and
Asking for answers and
With tears running down,
Begging for it to come back.
It leaves you shaking and cold;
From cumbersome fear and
Loss and love and
Everything as One.

Who do you go to?
What entity approached?
A reality check,
A blanket, a book,
The Ultimately Real,
A drink, a substance,
The graze of a hand
Down the small of your back,
A friend?

The strangest moment of your life.
And who you give it to,
This is what will define you.

-A

Some days and...

Some nights just before
Resting my head on cushions
And sliding my legs under a
Wave of blankets and sheets,
I catch a hint of that scent in the air.
The one that lingered from your cigarette,
The Pall Malls,
I know them so well.
I know exactly how they sit
In the breast pocket of your button-up,
And how badly I wanted to be
Wearing that button-up
That night after we danced outside
And we danced into your bed.

And some days after
Looking up into your blue eyes
And imagining your hand in mine
Under a silent sea of stars,
I begin to wonder why I ever left this place.
This home of mine where all I love,
Residing,
I knew it so well,
I knew it when I left
The first breath of a newborn child,
How subtle englightenment has
Burrowed in my soul and
Taken me captive through
Ventures down memory lane.

And some mornings when
I've forgotten how empty I feel
And I peel open my eyes to reality
and to work and to being gone,
I almost remember that smell of happiness.
That smell of convincing arguments,
Lobbying,
Still resisting temptation,
Still wondering sometimes
If maybe you weren't all that drunk,
How if even just a spark could
Become a flame in your mind
And singe the wick that would
Lead to me.

How things could be so different.

-A

blahblahblagh.

I bet he thought I couldn't, but I am.
I am floating on a current in the air that came from the words of your mouth.
I am two hundred miles away.
I am discovering an untold destiny and daydreaming of what would happen in a perfect world.
I am surprised to meet here with the sweet smell of curiosity.

Like taking off tinted sunglasses to see the real world.
Like traveling to impoverished homelands you thought you knew.
Like regaining your faith in the ultimately Real and humanity.
Like walking into a room and feeling as if nobody can see you.

I thought this place was hell, but maybe it's just shady,
And if you ever stop here, you'll know that it's a craving.

I must have run for selfish embarassment.
I must have fled from what is tied to my heart.
I must have loved something far too cumbersome.
I must have found a concurrent lonesomeness.
I must have traded him for everything.

And now I'd like to trade it all back.
-A

Taj Mahal.

Among the wild and the music,
I am calming you down,
I am rubbing your hands
I am dancing with happiness and drunks.

The first few months i've gotta deal,
He doesn't care for me anymore,
I wondered why I was even here
And that's when you noticed me.

We all seem to need a hand
Between the cig'rets and beer,
The headlights shining
When we looked up from kissing that first time.

Yeah we were embarrassed,
But you put your arm around my back and we
Separated in the store before
Nosebleeds and red dog. 

Your paintings surrounding,
Made for conversation damming,
Words flowing, pulses growing,
Until I came to terms with reality.

(This is really happening, yes,
This is actually happening to me.)

Well you closed your eyes 
While I took you over to Bengal,
You liked everything you saw
Because we felt like rockstars.

And now i'm on the train,
Some mileage away from
Running my hands through ginger hair,
From smelling you in the air.