I know it's been a while. It's cause I'm happy.

This morning, I awoke next to my incredible boyfriend. I sat there for a few minutes, quietly, thinking about the fragility of human existence, and I was suddenly overwhelmed with the beauty I continually find myself surrounded by. I welled up.

The way that things have worked out is beautiful. The way his hair sticks up in the morning is beautiful. The way he moves against me when he sleeps is beautiful. The way he sings to me is beautiful. The way he makes me feel more than adequate is beautiful. The way he breathes slowly in slumber is beautiful. The way I feel about him is completely, utterly beautiful. The way he leaves me speechless is beautiful.

I am the luckiest because of him.

Livin' The Dream

And then we sit.
Sinking further and further into this quicksand we like to call Couch.
In front of
A million different quips and requips and it all seems so funny but what are we really doing here?
Escaping?
Daydreaming?
Of course.
I am the Illusionist.
I am the one who minimizes school work and studies.
I am the one who makes responsibility disappear into thin atmosphere.
I am the one who magistrates the orchestra of rock and roll.
I am the one who works all morning and fucks all night.
I am the brilliant color blue and I am the ugliest shade of green.
This is a dream.
Wake up!
WAKE UP!
Wake. Up.

Now I'm flustered and frustrered and flibbed and flopped.
I am failing.
I am flailing in the ocean, just trying to tread water.
And yet I act as if we,
We are floating along in a clear blue pool,
On a purple raft,
Drink in hand,
Together.

-A

morningshine.

Morningshine

And in the morning glory moments,
Quick glances of mere frames in time,
Like grains of sand on winter beaches,
I see your dreaming eyes so peaceful.
I hear your fevered illusion as the sun illuminates your face with golden stripes from the shade.

I take great care,
Not to move or quake,
No sound or shiver or shake,
No reason to wake the magnificent dreamer.

And finally, after a thousand mere frames pass,
A fresh breath,
A slow, grand opening of the almond eyes.
The day begins like the blooming of a flower in slow motion;
A new life every morning.
A new revealing of brilliant creation with colors more vivid than even God imagined, almost blindingly beautiful.
But the new days never end in bruised withering in the cold water.
Never end with dismal or dying closure,
But rather,
Like the cradling of a child.
Or with eyes longing and calling out for the next flowers' bloom come morningshine,
You and I align once more,
Weary,
But hopeful for the waking frames to follow.
-A

City Dreaming.

Today is the first,
I’ve felt okay in
Quite some time.
Momma can’t speak
And daddy don’t sleep,
The Sun just barely shines.

But with the bad comes the good,
You were always the good.

Let’s run away,
Drop everything and go to the empire state,
Adventure out into the city,
New York in winter could be so pretty.
We could sing your songs,
Play for tips the whole day long.
Oh, I know I just wanna hear you play,
So let’s run away.

I’m feeling inspired,
On the whims of your voice,
I could take on the world,
But Maybe I’ll start with Illinois.
Falling asleep in front of
Silver screen dreams,
As long as it’s with you,
I’ve got what I need.

Axle.

Together alone we’re always exploding bombs.

I’ll keep licking and licking till your flavor is gone.

You shape to mold like the ultimate fools gold,

Play the game, play the hand until we fold.

Automatic shaking then awaking the throne.

A tablespoon of feather tickles me to the bone.

Just come on over.

Come over with me.

Just come on over.

Come on over with me.

Small.

I’ve got a constellation on my shoulder,
a few crooked teeth.
I forgot to shave m’legs last night and,
My eyes are boring,

But you don’t make me feel so small.

My life’s kind of a mess somedays,
I’m a lazy little shit.
I forget about the good stuff and,
Remember all the rips,

But you don’t make me feel so small.

If I could pick you up,
in a Piggyback style,
I’d do it to remind you that I’ve always got a while,
During sacred nights,
To watch your half smile,
And to tell you how much I like you.
And we’ve got two accelerators,
Jumpin’ up at our feet from the floor,
But I’d rather stay here ‘cause
You’re the only thing I feel sometimes.

-A

Solidarity.

An American dollar to my Ugandan shilling,
How I came across this golden purr,
A motorboat in the ocean of strangeness.

But until now,
I never felt good or bad,
Only strange and unprepared.

And when I found a piece of the puzzle,
A sudden turning of gears,
The teeth that fit,
And now I'm giving thanks
To the Ultimately Real
And to coincidental circumstance.
A merchandise line,
A Business Card,
Pancakes.
A fundamental, beautiful,
Instantaneous inner commotion.
A screaming and burning.
I knew it from the start.
An itch almost,
Something I need.
I find myself in a whirlwind,
Sadness doesn't manifest itself
No withdrawals,
Or at least not yet.

A sound escapes my mouth
Through the teeth of a smile.
It is permanent.
We speak of being surrounded
By constant romantic miserables,
A fear of the future,
And then a relapse of synapse,
Until collapse.
And I beg this feeling itself,
Never give way,
Never let me go, never hide or waver.
Just give me another adventure.