P.S.

This must be a joke.
You must be
Kidding.
Were you just
dreaming?
Or should I be
Pleasantly shocked?
Come on, come on,
you know we'd be
a great team.
Bump, set, spike it,
because thats the way
We Like It.
Even if you use me,
We can both get
The best of both worlds,
Right?
Seven months,
They won't take you away.
I won't let them.
They won't steal
Your precious talent.
They can't change your mind.
Can I?
Can anyone?
Or do I just,
Think Too Much?
Maybe,
When I awaken,
I'll be
Pleasantly Shocked.

-A

The Secret.

I've got a secret,
I would tell you if I thought I could.
I've got a notion,
You know I wouldn't hide it if I could.
I've got all of the algorithms
Figured out in my head.
Even if its only in my dreams,
only in my dreams.
Whenever I consider my odds,
I feel useless.

You use your mind...
Your beautiful, amazing mind.
You think more than anyone I know.
But your heart...
Your heart withholds even more beauty.
You can't love with your mind
Like you can with your heart.
It's as if your passion is on vacation,
away from the equation.
I know its hiding out, somewhere,
after being run over,
I know.
I know how it feels.
I'm sorry.
Because you are such a
Beautiful human being.
But if your heart is hidden,
you're gonna miss out on
something magnificent.

I think you've got a secret, too,
You'd tell me if you thought you could.

-A

Morning.

The sunbeams sneak through my window overhead,
they wake me.
My eyelids lift slowly, they reveal the world to me,
Just as I am revealed to the world once more.
How can I be half asleep,
but still not half awake?

I suddenly remember
how hard it is to say these things
and pretend they're not real.
How in the morning,
Through the window pane,
in the summer month, before schools first day,
I could tell what he was thinking.

How in the dusk,
Through the fire and smoke,
On the eighth of august, with a hidden hope,
I could see what he was reading.

Pull back the sheets,
Think about the day ahead,
School suddenly seems so mundane.
Nothing that resides there is inspiring.
Millions of other kids are in high school.
Millions of other kids are just like me.
Just like me.

I don't believe the intimidation act of teachers,
you're so fake and
you're so annoying.
You think I'm dumb,
You set such low standards.

I will prove you wrong.

"They're not superstars,
they just play football."
Do you think you're unique?
With your samba shoes,
and button up cotton shirts?
Millions of kids are just like you,
Just Like Me.

To Fall.

An image of imperfection
surrounds me once more.
I am supremely jealous
Of your secret talent that I
could never possess.

I dreamt one night this week,
that you considered me.
A simple conversation determined
to determine the outcome of my morning.
I'm really hoping
that it becomes dejavu.

But, no,
This could never happen.
steadfast in your non-belief,
While I believe too much.
Such a beautiful mind,
Versus Such a delicate heart.

The battle in my head ensues,
fast forward to seven months.
The interest in my mind
is back and forth between
sex and peace,
love and dreams.

Even lately I've come to see
nothing I write is any good
unless its all about you and me.

-A

The Actor.

She met him back in the 8th grade,
He was more like a brother to her.
It's been four years now,
He became an actor,
He cut his hair in half.
He became his fame,
He cut his friends in half, too.

She sits next to him now,
He doesn't pay much attention to her,
Except to ask for answers,
He's not too great at math
ever since He became an actor,
He cut his respect in half.
He became his drama,
He cut his morals in half, too.

Last week He was arrested,
cuffed for dealing coke and ex.
She's almost glad He's not her brother anymore,
She thinks she almost could have saved Him.

-A

Matthew.

"And there's a game called
Phoenix,
But I don't know how to play it."

He's got her eyes.
He was born in October, 2004 to a woman in my bloodline,
He was born without a father;
A conception of surrogate proportions.

His mother is a school teacher,
Married before to a man who worked for Leslie's pool supplies,
It never worked out.
She always wanted more.

Matthew sits next to me now,
Velcro shoes with racecars and lightning bolts,
Freshly cut hair and long eyelashes.
The purest of hearts and the smallest of hands.

By some standards, his mother's action may have seemed
Selfish.
She wanted him all for herself.
She wanted a child so badly.

Interesting to think that this,
laughing, breathing, jumping,
Living, smiling, wonderful boy,
could be considered the result of
selfishness by some.

He is not a
Carbon Copy,
He is a
Result of
Love.
A result of a desire to
give life,
to give love.


Now, You,
Explain to me how any of this can be
Selfish?


-A

hacked!!!

hacked!!! saga!

Smile.

She gets this feeling often times,
Not a falling feeling,
more like floating
On top of mountains, above all the clouds.
All because of that smile.

A complete accident worth remembering,
he showed up and she
practically melted
right at his feet, right by his side,
All because of that smile.

For less than thirty days she'd known him,
but no, she didn't care much.
The yearly difference
barely even made a scratch, not so much as a dent,
All because of that smile.

Persuasion may never be her forte,
but, hey! Maybe at least he's glad that
He found someone
who makes him sound better, more complete,
At least it made him smile.

And, hey! She's so glad that she's finally
found someone
who makes her want to live, just simply be
Better.
All because of that smile.

Perhaps its a mistake, a mistake
as great as the Northern Lakes,
but she's not crazy, her mind's just working
overtime during the night shift.
All because of that smile.

She catches herself thinking,
"Do me a favor,
If I fall apart somehow, put me back together,
and pretend I'm not too ugly."
All because of that smile.

Figure.

After being beaten down
you learn to live with the
Throws of Young Love.
Love is Relative.

my tiny hands don't equate to
A tiny heart.
And as far as human beings go,
You make me look like a robber.

We industrialize more
than we can afford,
we play our virtual games
until we get bored.

But it doesn't make sense.

'cause they always told us
to think outside the box...
But I want to know
Something different.

What is this box
Anyway?
Who put my thoughts here?
Who made the box?

Maybe when I figure that out,
I'll be able to decide whether
Or Not,
I'll stay in this box.

Bones and neglect.

These days there's
sand between my bones.
I'm having trouble being,
Trouble just breathing.

My freedom is fading,
all because you want your sleep.
The smoke is rising and
we're all gonna boil over.

Maybe if you would just
Love us with your heart
and not your mind,
We'd all get along.

And maybe if your youngest
Would stop being so selfish,
Be more willing to give,
We'd all get along.

She feels as if the world
Doesn't want her around.
But thats not true.
She just can't sacrifice.

Even the small things, like
helping with grocieries,
Sweeping the floor,
She's too good for it.

Even when times are tough
Finances cause stress and
Mom is on the brink,
She desperately needs new things.

She steals.
She fights.
She cries.
She screams.

And we're very close to being
Done.

Need.

Driven farther than extinction,
I find myself failing.
I am pushing a car with a tank full of gas,
I am the one running on empty.

The feeling is not universal,
I find myself thinking.
I am fishing for an impossible animal,
I am the one who is baitless.

There can be no convincing,
I find myself realizing.
I am wishing for something unrealistic,
I am the one without a clue.

The modern savior surrounds me,
I find myself paralyzed.
I am seeing someone so contradictory,
I am the one who needs you.

-A

South FW.

He brought us to a
halfway abandoned
Slaughter House.
I thought it ironic
that a place which
once took away life
so readily,
now practically
bleeds artistic flow.
You left your mark
on the wall,
ten years ago.
Suddenly I felt as though
I had taken you back
to a place you had
never wanted to revisit.
Our steps were quiet
and cautious, and
the sun lit each floor dimly,
while sirens blared
in your conscience.
Two thin dogs ran
off into the distance,
My heart still thumps
with angst.

We visited your grandmother.
Her eyes were
filled with love, and
Yours lit up, too.
A kiss on the cheek,
A wash of the hands,
and off we went.

You drove past
the house you grew
Up in, the house you
dealt with so much in.
You acted as if it
weren't your home,
but a place you merely
resided in.
I have discovered that
I am the single most
Boring Person Ever.

-A

Floating.

My soul is gathering dust
Like an old bike being
stored in the garage.

But he looks at me and smiles,
always, even without much
to smile about.

I must be a bad luck charm.
An omen that just
can't be ignored.

It's a mad world,
and while we cling to the bad,
We watch the good float wayward.

Like soap bubbles from a stick,
plastic and string in the wind.
Like smoke on the breath of your teen years.

Cinnamon.

The secret suddenly surrenders itself,
turns my smile to shock.
Unimaginable, how a simple detail
Could've evaded me for so long.
Maybe I'll wait,
Maybe I'll stick around,
with the hope that nothing's gonna change.

I honestly haven't felt this
Flustered,
in easily a year.
But the fire's casting a glow
gently following the
simple quiet movements of
Your voice in the summer air.

I'm impatient to see a
Piece of the Old You.
I know you got caught but
I can't cease to find so many
incredible stories.

I'm annoyed with myself
but I can't help but wonder
If I had been crafted just
a few years sooner,
If I'd be wanted.

Burns Like Acid,
Tastes Like Cinnamon.

Hope-full / this is crap.

There's some independence on your step,
You don't need anyone at all, no,
You don't need me.

Oh but if you're the King,
I wanna be your Queen.
If you're a slammed door,
At least let me be the screen.

If you're a can of paint,
I can be the fumes.
If you decide to build a house,
I'll help you make the rooms.

Theres some danger in your style,
some secret you won't share
you won't share with me.

-A

Meteor.

I asked you to play,
but you said no.

Ive fooled myself into thinking
that maybe we could be
more than just two friends
swinging from the trees,
More than just two pieces of paper,
folded into patterns which
resemble floating birds.
We're soaring from
the tallest buildings...
Maybe our flight plans were destined to cross.

I asked you to stay
but you really had to go.

-A

Untitled

When it comes to love,
My feet are always flat
On the ground.
And suddenly came you,
and your eyes of
Brown or blue...
I can't think of which, but,
You keep me on my toes.

Theres a hurricane
circling in my head.
The warm winds are
Yes...
The cold winds are
No.
But I'm thinking tropical.

When you're around
there seems to be
a bit more dew on the grass
Its like seeing the
Little sparkle in the snow
after the first precipitation of winter.
When you're around
My water tastes better
And everythings a little funnier.

Forget all my nonsense,
Love is just being able to put up with
the same person for
The Rest Of Your Life.

I guess it becomes
Convoluted when
A girl likes a boy,
but shes halfway committed to
someone who's long gone.

Just so you know,
I don't love you,
I just want you.

-A

Working Class.

Today I spent nine hours
selling movie tickets in a glass fishbowl
Its decorated with purple and green
as if to lift my cinematic spirits.
But I still hate my job and all of
the carpeted walls inside of it.

I had a four year old's handprint
all over my windows
His hair was blonde and curly and
blowing in the wind,
Just like yours did back in '07.
He asked me how in the world
would I ever get out through the
Four inch ticket hole,
And I wondered the same thing.
Just then the winds changed
and I became impatient.

A co worker of mine told me of her endeavors,
Her grandfather passed away in a hospital gown,
She acted as if he weren't there,
She smoked in her room,
and colored her hair.
I was ashamed,
But at least I had a clear view of the
Sunset.

-A

Pale.

I like that you know
exactly where to go and
how to get there.
I like that my arm fits
in your window just so
I can touch the roof.
I like that you can sing
Even though you strongly
disagree.

My shoulders are pretty
sore from all this
pushing and pulling
But you're not
Twisting my arms.

I don't want to be one of those
newlyweds on sandals beach
with a flower in my hair and
sand between my toes.
I'd rather travel the world
with holes in my socks
and a knife in my pocket.

But when the light fades
I'm still invisible to most.
Can you see me?

-A

Coincidence.

Love tears me up like malpractice.
Scalpel and tongs and
tapes me back up.
I'm developing my resolution,
to figure this out and
put some numbers to it,
Add some logic, maybe that'll
do it.

Now you've been long gone,
and really I went with you.
Don't leave me hanging this time
from the oak tree in your lawn.
Dont wake me up, either,
These dreams of mine, they'll come,
they'll become real.
Just you wait.

When its real late
I start to have this feeling
Like I'm floating in my chair
Like my socks arent there.
My head is whirling and I am
falling down and its all
certainly going to be
your fault.


You're beginning to make me think,
with all this talk of
watching lightning storms and
wishing I were there so we could
hold hands and kiss in front of flashing
static electricity,
that maybe you actually
Like me.

You come and go like
Summer vacation.

The Advantages of Self-Doubt

I sat alone in my favorite coffee shop, watching the bubbles form in my frozen hot cocoa + 1 shot while contemplating why I feel such a need to be different. Is it a desire to be seen? Heard? Simply listened to or noticed? All of the sudden I realize all of this is simply the perspiration of my soul. Not the smelly, nervous kind, the kind when you exercise. It's like truth evolves when I work out the kinks of my brain.
There is often a persistant thought in my mind-, "What in the hell is wrong with me?" But maybe what I see as wrong maybe isn't that at all... Maybe my flaws make me who I am. Not my qualities or features or skills, but what I really can't do. What i mess up and what I misjudge. Maybe my mistakes make me much more interesting than the average joe.

Maybe I'm still an idiot.

-A

Eagle Mountain Lake

I awaken to the sounds of your feet rustling the sheets.
The sound of your brothers long fingernails plucking simple whimsical melodies along with your voice consumes me.
Your brother... He smokes and he spits and he's stubborn as shit but we put up with it and we still love him.
Today we took a jetski out together. You tried to throw me off but I was leeched, just like I've always been. I clung tightly and smiled with every passing wave.
Somehow, every time I leave this place, a storm rolls in.
Most days I don't know how you feel about me, but today... Today I caught a few glances inside your mind.
I find myself entrapped. I am taken away.

-A