Fear,
Fear of the future, laced with hands touching skin,
What lies ahead, unknown.
If the same who occupy me now,
will choose to stay or go,
Who lies ahead, unknown.
We breathe a sigh, together now,
What happens if we can't work this out?
What lies inside, unknown.
An internal battle ensues,
My selfish nature overthrows the idea of growing up and missing out,
What lies ahead, unknown.
We are never scared to die because we're alone,
We fear the earth, the heavens,
What lies above, unknown.
-A
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Coming Back.
I'm sorry I've been gone, my friend,
My journal, my unseen savior,
I know you haven't gotten the attention
You deserve, Deserve much better behavior.
I've been quite busy these days,
I've been in new things confiding,
Some children to make me feel as though,
My memories are reviving.
I've been running up and down stairs,
With a new little friend on my hip,
Even if he says my name with an extra syllable,
He can kiss me on the lip.
And though you used to be my only,
I made a realization,
That you are the thing, You are the one,
That left me sulking in my damnation.
So here's my apology, friendly foe,
I've been using you all along,
Like a crutch for the lame and healed,
I am sorry for all I did wrong.
I'm learning to be happy,
That the throws of young love are alright.
I'm learning to live this life of mine,
Instead of documenting the whole night.
-A
My journal, my unseen savior,
I know you haven't gotten the attention
You deserve, Deserve much better behavior.
I've been quite busy these days,
I've been in new things confiding,
Some children to make me feel as though,
My memories are reviving.
I've been running up and down stairs,
With a new little friend on my hip,
Even if he says my name with an extra syllable,
He can kiss me on the lip.
And though you used to be my only,
I made a realization,
That you are the thing, You are the one,
That left me sulking in my damnation.
So here's my apology, friendly foe,
I've been using you all along,
Like a crutch for the lame and healed,
I am sorry for all I did wrong.
I'm learning to be happy,
That the throws of young love are alright.
I'm learning to live this life of mine,
Instead of documenting the whole night.
-A
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Seperated.
The world peels away,
so I am left here, standing,
Something to be said, but I've been too busy enjoying myself to say it.
It's like being lost in
A maze full of cotton candy,
You could get yourself out of it but you sure as hell don't wanna.
Even after feeling this,
Disconnection,
Nothing else exists, two mutual files in an otherwise empty file cabinet.
Best moments of my mere existence,
I can feel myself in that sand,
I can feel myself in those beds,
I know I'm felt there, I'm sure of it.
I am not there, but Oh, I am so far from here.
-A
so I am left here, standing,
Something to be said, but I've been too busy enjoying myself to say it.
It's like being lost in
A maze full of cotton candy,
You could get yourself out of it but you sure as hell don't wanna.
Even after feeling this,
Disconnection,
Nothing else exists, two mutual files in an otherwise empty file cabinet.
Best moments of my mere existence,
I can feel myself in that sand,
I can feel myself in those beds,
I know I'm felt there, I'm sure of it.
I am not there, but Oh, I am so far from here.
-A
Monday, November 30, 2009
Personal Jungle Gym
The two,
Twins,
The youngest of five,
Different colored, but still the same.
They are filled with energy and love.
The girl, she never remembers my name.
She likes to squeal and scream when I arrive.
She likes to brush my hair and
Twist in round to tangle.
The boy, he knows me most of the time,
He climbs all over our laps,
His personal jungle gym,
He tells me secrets and
Kisses me on the lips.
They love their brother,
Their care giver,
The feeder, life breather,
And when he sends them to sleep
The inevitable begins again,
Our favorite time of night.
-A
Twins,
The youngest of five,
Different colored, but still the same.
They are filled with energy and love.
The girl, she never remembers my name.
She likes to squeal and scream when I arrive.
She likes to brush my hair and
Twist in round to tangle.
The boy, he knows me most of the time,
He climbs all over our laps,
His personal jungle gym,
He tells me secrets and
Kisses me on the lips.
They love their brother,
Their care giver,
The feeder, life breather,
And when he sends them to sleep
The inevitable begins again,
Our favorite time of night.
-A
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Politic.
"Shoulda known better than to listen..."
Millions of speculations floating around in the atmosphere, with conspirators following close behind, they scare me by putting their heavy hands upon my already weighted shoulders. They grip tightly, not the most desirable of strongholds. I'm flailing to prevent them, silly waving and dancing all to rid myself of these demons.
It seems my time in this place has run out. This is the countdown, I don't wanna fight I just wanna run. Away from here, leave these hometown hipsters and pseudo-intellectuals and just go. I'll take a bus, and stay in the street. I don't want a name I just want to eat and face the world for everything that it is. Everyone knows I'm just a sponge anyway. Soaking up all the beliefs of everyone around me, osmosis gone horribly wrong. But these tendencies, they make one immune to all the hate and dishonest confusion and politics of the world. I don't have to understand a thing.
-A
Millions of speculations floating around in the atmosphere, with conspirators following close behind, they scare me by putting their heavy hands upon my already weighted shoulders. They grip tightly, not the most desirable of strongholds. I'm flailing to prevent them, silly waving and dancing all to rid myself of these demons.
It seems my time in this place has run out. This is the countdown, I don't wanna fight I just wanna run. Away from here, leave these hometown hipsters and pseudo-intellectuals and just go. I'll take a bus, and stay in the street. I don't want a name I just want to eat and face the world for everything that it is. Everyone knows I'm just a sponge anyway. Soaking up all the beliefs of everyone around me, osmosis gone horribly wrong. But these tendencies, they make one immune to all the hate and dishonest confusion and politics of the world. I don't have to understand a thing.
-A
Waking up With A Smile
Shes had this dream before many times. An idea of a warm romantic Christmas eve,
But there was never a face to put with the perfect idea. In this dream the fire wood was not burning brightly, the tree undecorated. No stockings hung up on mantels or gifts abound. Just a figure holding another, and a tree standing nearby.
She had this dream of the Advent late last night, but much had changed.
He joined her there in the night time,
He wrapped around her, and a blanket around him.
The fireplace burned and cracked next to them, while ribbon and wrapping paper flew around.
Christmas time is here, gifts of love and cheer, the tree was lit up,
And holly overhead,
They celebrated with wide eyes, wide smiles,
Families surrounding,
Perfection.
-A
But there was never a face to put with the perfect idea. In this dream the fire wood was not burning brightly, the tree undecorated. No stockings hung up on mantels or gifts abound. Just a figure holding another, and a tree standing nearby.
She had this dream of the Advent late last night, but much had changed.
He joined her there in the night time,
He wrapped around her, and a blanket around him.
The fireplace burned and cracked next to them, while ribbon and wrapping paper flew around.
Christmas time is here, gifts of love and cheer, the tree was lit up,
And holly overhead,
They celebrated with wide eyes, wide smiles,
Families surrounding,
Perfection.
-A
Monday, November 23, 2009
Strange.
Someone who I never expected,
More like a dream,
He's been there many times before,
and I'm sure he'll appear there even more.
At one point it seemed as though,
I was only a stones throw
from falling off the diving board,
down to the ocean, washed up to shore.
I swift kick in the back,
And I'm diving down to
Crash to the water with
a ripple and a splash.
I begin to panic, mind running mad,
"How will I ever breathe?
O, God, this is so bad..."
I'm on the brink of giving heed.
When finally I do, I come to terms,
one long drag in, lungs overturn,
and comfort comes over me, strangely,
This is just air I am breathing.
I relax my legs, I let them down,
Right beneath my feet is solid ground.
I stand up straight to look around
and back with you is where I'm found.
-A
More like a dream,
He's been there many times before,
and I'm sure he'll appear there even more.
At one point it seemed as though,
I was only a stones throw
from falling off the diving board,
down to the ocean, washed up to shore.
I swift kick in the back,
And I'm diving down to
Crash to the water with
a ripple and a splash.
I begin to panic, mind running mad,
"How will I ever breathe?
O, God, this is so bad..."
I'm on the brink of giving heed.
When finally I do, I come to terms,
one long drag in, lungs overturn,
and comfort comes over me, strangely,
This is just air I am breathing.
I relax my legs, I let them down,
Right beneath my feet is solid ground.
I stand up straight to look around
and back with you is where I'm found.
-A
Sister Winter.
Winter arrives, calling my name,
She speaks softly, she asks me to
Welcome her warmly.
Because when she comes near, many shiver,
Many run to hide away,
The heat is comfortable.
She says to me,
"But I am the one who
Brings lovers closer,
They hold each other tight
While my wind blows
Through the air."
So suddenly I see, clearly,
It's my sister winter who
I've waited for so long.
And now, before she goes to leave,
She gifts me,
With snow which sinks so light,
While the bright moon is
Hid from sight.
She gifts me with a chill,
Some bumps beneath my skin.
I told her I couldn't wait
To see her once more.
And then she disappears,
Just as quickly as she arrived.
-A
She speaks softly, she asks me to
Welcome her warmly.
Because when she comes near, many shiver,
Many run to hide away,
The heat is comfortable.
She says to me,
"But I am the one who
Brings lovers closer,
They hold each other tight
While my wind blows
Through the air."
So suddenly I see, clearly,
It's my sister winter who
I've waited for so long.
And now, before she goes to leave,
She gifts me,
With snow which sinks so light,
While the bright moon is
Hid from sight.
She gifts me with a chill,
Some bumps beneath my skin.
I told her I couldn't wait
To see her once more.
And then she disappears,
Just as quickly as she arrived.
-A
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Notice.
Thinking back to the first time I tried to show you my heart,
I just hoped you'd notice, of course you did.
And yes, I curled my hair because I knew you'd be there,
I just hoped you'd notice, of course you did.
I sang my heart out, I sang for love and fear of futures and pasts,
I just hoped you'd notice, of course you did.
The air was cold, the stoplights reflected off droplets on the windshield,
Something that most never stop to notice.
And we laughed our way through poorly played games, smiling wide,
I just hoped you'd notice, of course you did.
Slowly becoming intertwined, fully consumed, bellowing laughs,
I'm so glad you just noticed.
Despite cookies stolen by sugar-starved animals,
I just hoped you'd notice, of course you did.
And at the end, I glanced at your mouth, I tasted it,
I'm so glad you noticed.
-A
I just hoped you'd notice, of course you did.
And yes, I curled my hair because I knew you'd be there,
I just hoped you'd notice, of course you did.
I sang my heart out, I sang for love and fear of futures and pasts,
I just hoped you'd notice, of course you did.
The air was cold, the stoplights reflected off droplets on the windshield,
Something that most never stop to notice.
And we laughed our way through poorly played games, smiling wide,
I just hoped you'd notice, of course you did.
Slowly becoming intertwined, fully consumed, bellowing laughs,
I'm so glad you just noticed.
Despite cookies stolen by sugar-starved animals,
I just hoped you'd notice, of course you did.
And at the end, I glanced at your mouth, I tasted it,
I'm so glad you noticed.
-A
Friday, November 20, 2009
And this one, too...
Siting in a room that's empty other than
Surrounding skepticism and tension,
There's something in the air.
I can taste it.
Chairs of dingy purple with feet on their rims,
I could see this coming...
With only inches between contact
Of clammy teen fingers and
Elbows grazing, minds running.
Transmitter failure and doubt run the fields, too.
So much talk and yet,
Not much said.
At first, something unexpected,
Two, three, then five fingers cross
and weave and connect.
The pulmonary action in my chest is
Distracting, like hammers
Pounding, pinning nails to ribs and muscle.
This giving up on giving up thing is
Turning out easier than expected,
Doors open, windows close,
The typical metaphors that go along,
They leave my mind as soon as they enter,
And I awaken with a smile and a message.
-A
Surrounding skepticism and tension,
There's something in the air.
I can taste it.
Chairs of dingy purple with feet on their rims,
I could see this coming...
With only inches between contact
Of clammy teen fingers and
Elbows grazing, minds running.
Transmitter failure and doubt run the fields, too.
So much talk and yet,
Not much said.
At first, something unexpected,
Two, three, then five fingers cross
and weave and connect.
The pulmonary action in my chest is
Distracting, like hammers
Pounding, pinning nails to ribs and muscle.
This giving up on giving up thing is
Turning out easier than expected,
Doors open, windows close,
The typical metaphors that go along,
They leave my mind as soon as they enter,
And I awaken with a smile and a message.
-A
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Lost. (This one's for you.)
Broken,
Crumbling beneath the heat of a hundred stoves and
Under the pressure of expectations dealt by hands of
Gamblers, and drug lords alike.
Created,
From a world that is to them, so unknown,
A world formed by dust and filled with
Administrative pricks and lovers alike.
Emptied,
Desaturation floats freely in its home
In the cold gray clouds above, avoided by
Beach go-ers and meteorologists alike.
Scared,
If we've come to the end of the world,
we'll throw ambition away because we're all
Workers and Industrial Haters alike.
Nervous,
With fingernails run down to nubs,
I await my fate feeling as antsy as
Trouble makers and hypochondriacs alike.
Crumbling beneath the heat of a hundred stoves and
Under the pressure of expectations dealt by hands of
Gamblers, and drug lords alike.
Created,
From a world that is to them, so unknown,
A world formed by dust and filled with
Administrative pricks and lovers alike.
Emptied,
Desaturation floats freely in its home
In the cold gray clouds above, avoided by
Beach go-ers and meteorologists alike.
Scared,
If we've come to the end of the world,
we'll throw ambition away because we're all
Workers and Industrial Haters alike.
Nervous,
With fingernails run down to nubs,
I await my fate feeling as antsy as
Trouble makers and hypochondriacs alike.
Giving up.
Eyes follow while worlds surround.
Beauty throws everything into perspective
And love pokes its head
Out from behind the trees.
My moments of insecurity have passed,
As a new light shines into my eyes.
My mind changes just like a
Typical female's should, constantly,
Getting over heart break and
Finding new things to consume my mind.
Giving up on giving up,
And none of my close peers will be
Surprised by that.
Love will find its way,
No giving up on that. No doubt.
A helping hand, a goofy smile,
A thick pair of glasses,
All I need,
All I need.
-A
Beauty throws everything into perspective
And love pokes its head
Out from behind the trees.
My moments of insecurity have passed,
As a new light shines into my eyes.
My mind changes just like a
Typical female's should, constantly,
Getting over heart break and
Finding new things to consume my mind.
Giving up on giving up,
And none of my close peers will be
Surprised by that.
Love will find its way,
No giving up on that. No doubt.
A helping hand, a goofy smile,
A thick pair of glasses,
All I need,
All I need.
-A
The Bells.
I felt like a telescope as I entered the chapel,
marble castle surrounding while the bells rang out.
A man passed me wearing two different colored shoes,
But his days were numbered so I chuckled and cut him some slack.
I peered into the preachers mind,
Full of words that'd been composed without
Slander or love or lies.
I felt the things that he'd proposed weren't
perfect or wrong or anything.
I speculated whether they were words delivered with sincerity
or just to put on a show.
-A
marble castle surrounding while the bells rang out.
A man passed me wearing two different colored shoes,
But his days were numbered so I chuckled and cut him some slack.
I peered into the preachers mind,
Full of words that'd been composed without
Slander or love or lies.
I felt the things that he'd proposed weren't
perfect or wrong or anything.
I speculated whether they were words delivered with sincerity
or just to put on a show.
-A
Monday, November 9, 2009
Mindset.
Cherry red faces after rolling around for a while,
I can't feel a thing anymore, its just wasted effort.
Theres still something left, and undecipherable feeling,
Maybe the remnants of tension from something less than love.
Oblivion falls back over me, once more trapped in a numb space,
A freezer full of ice cream that I just can't taste.
So much potential,
And not much more.
I feel like I'm the only one to blame, simply unconvincing,
Maybe the person who ruined my chances.
One mindset left the same,
One left completely changed.
I still have to keep my mouth shut.
I've still seen straight through.
I can't feel a thing anymore, its just wasted effort.
Theres still something left, and undecipherable feeling,
Maybe the remnants of tension from something less than love.
Oblivion falls back over me, once more trapped in a numb space,
A freezer full of ice cream that I just can't taste.
So much potential,
And not much more.
I feel like I'm the only one to blame, simply unconvincing,
Maybe the person who ruined my chances.
One mindset left the same,
One left completely changed.
I still have to keep my mouth shut.
I've still seen straight through.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Lost?
There's a strange sense of longing withing me. How things change so suddenly, let's just pick up where we left off... What have we left off?
In my head there's a hundred teen girls, there's a roar coming from the opening in their faces. They call me names, they tell me to run away. That's where I'd rather go anyway.
Feeling like I should lay in slumbers arms for a while, he is comfortable. He clings to me, and though he acts like he needs me, it is all backwards and manipulative, because I am the one who needs him. He knows me all too well.
Hilarity. Laughing so much that our heads fall off, they roll on the floor at our feet. Our brains and sensory receptors just lay there until we're depressed again when we pick them back up and glue them back on our necks. We are so lost. We are so lost.
But the outsiders, they look at us with strange angry faces, they're jealous that we can just laugh at old stupid dogs in our laps, begging for a little lovin'. They see us and wonder why they can't be this happy. They are just as lost as we are.
Is anyone really found in this world, after all?
These fanatics, they sing and boast of their being saved, what are they saved from? Grace and all of it's friends are hangin' out in skillets on stoves, you can never be saved from a lifetime of following an unseen, distant entity.
-A
In my head there's a hundred teen girls, there's a roar coming from the opening in their faces. They call me names, they tell me to run away. That's where I'd rather go anyway.
Feeling like I should lay in slumbers arms for a while, he is comfortable. He clings to me, and though he acts like he needs me, it is all backwards and manipulative, because I am the one who needs him. He knows me all too well.
Hilarity. Laughing so much that our heads fall off, they roll on the floor at our feet. Our brains and sensory receptors just lay there until we're depressed again when we pick them back up and glue them back on our necks. We are so lost. We are so lost.
But the outsiders, they look at us with strange angry faces, they're jealous that we can just laugh at old stupid dogs in our laps, begging for a little lovin'. They see us and wonder why they can't be this happy. They are just as lost as we are.
Is anyone really found in this world, after all?
These fanatics, they sing and boast of their being saved, what are they saved from? Grace and all of it's friends are hangin' out in skillets on stoves, you can never be saved from a lifetime of following an unseen, distant entity.
-A
Monday, November 2, 2009
Gifted.
Subtleties surface from the promise that we made,
All of my days are thrown to night,
You shook my hand, you took a seat
Next to me there.
I lost myself in the sweet smell of cookies and hot cocoa.
I lost myself in the smile you gave,
Oh, what a gift to give, to receive.
All of my days are thrown to night.
As long as we share the sweater,
Even if your dog is snoring in the corner,
Oh, what a gift to give, to receive.
If the sun won't keep us warm, well,
He's just selfish and he's just jealous.
I've got your arms, I've got the smile,
Oh,
What a gift to give,
What a gift to receive.
-A
All of my days are thrown to night,
You shook my hand, you took a seat
Next to me there.
I lost myself in the sweet smell of cookies and hot cocoa.
I lost myself in the smile you gave,
Oh, what a gift to give, to receive.
All of my days are thrown to night.
As long as we share the sweater,
Even if your dog is snoring in the corner,
Oh, what a gift to give, to receive.
If the sun won't keep us warm, well,
He's just selfish and he's just jealous.
I've got your arms, I've got the smile,
Oh,
What a gift to give,
What a gift to receive.
-A
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Yes.
I remember it well.
You were a little fatter and I was a little skinnier and we both had messed up teeth.
I dressed like every other seventh grade yuppie and you pulled pranks on friends.
We are just a blast from the past.
We share fumes in unventilated creativity screens.
We make memories and tee shirts.
Can you remember?
The first time that I saw.
My mother knew all along,
He's crazy about you,
She said to me once more.
We carry the burdens of flags upon our shoulders,
We blow our trumpets, our car horns rumble aloud,
We light our fires, we burn pennies and dimes.
Love is not in the air,
No,
Nor is it in the wind or the trees.
It is in the ashes we made.
In the ashes covered in shade.
We sift and we search for money but none is to be found.
Burning cents to find sense like sand through fingers.
-A
You were a little fatter and I was a little skinnier and we both had messed up teeth.
I dressed like every other seventh grade yuppie and you pulled pranks on friends.
We are just a blast from the past.
We share fumes in unventilated creativity screens.
We make memories and tee shirts.
Can you remember?
The first time that I saw.
My mother knew all along,
He's crazy about you,
She said to me once more.
We carry the burdens of flags upon our shoulders,
We blow our trumpets, our car horns rumble aloud,
We light our fires, we burn pennies and dimes.
Love is not in the air,
No,
Nor is it in the wind or the trees.
It is in the ashes we made.
In the ashes covered in shade.
We sift and we search for money but none is to be found.
Burning cents to find sense like sand through fingers.
-A
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Fed.
I kept revisiting that place hoping you'd be there. In many tries I have only seen you once more.
I connect the smell of fresh roasted guatemalan coffee beans to your glasses and facial features. I dress my most flattering hoping you'll notice so that one day it will lead you to notice my heart.
I finally understand that I've misunderstood this place all along. This place could save my life, or it could kill me.
My mind refocuses while you read aloud along with a fellow's clanking clashing piano chords. My desire to rummage through the files stowed away in your brain is fed just by the vocalization of the flow of your ink in your journal. I want to share anything with you. Coffee, a conversation, a movie.
Why do the names of the most influential figures in my life begin with the same letter? hm...
-A
I connect the smell of fresh roasted guatemalan coffee beans to your glasses and facial features. I dress my most flattering hoping you'll notice so that one day it will lead you to notice my heart.
I finally understand that I've misunderstood this place all along. This place could save my life, or it could kill me.
My mind refocuses while you read aloud along with a fellow's clanking clashing piano chords. My desire to rummage through the files stowed away in your brain is fed just by the vocalization of the flow of your ink in your journal. I want to share anything with you. Coffee, a conversation, a movie.
Why do the names of the most influential figures in my life begin with the same letter? hm...
-A
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wine.
This idea is elusive.
Volleyball stars chase you in their fancy cars...
You never wanted anything from them.
You notice the older ones,
Maybe they're wiser,
Maybe they can teach you something.
You'll just end up falling for their traps and tricks.
You're so gullible.
They come and go from you like seasonal allergies and birthdays.
They gift you with things you don't need like
Doctor bills and candles, like runny noses and wrapping paper.
You see them enjoying the finer beverages,
Coffee, wine,
You debate their sobriety and you take them seriously.
-A
Volleyball stars chase you in their fancy cars...
You never wanted anything from them.
You notice the older ones,
Maybe they're wiser,
Maybe they can teach you something.
You'll just end up falling for their traps and tricks.
You're so gullible.
They come and go from you like seasonal allergies and birthdays.
They gift you with things you don't need like
Doctor bills and candles, like runny noses and wrapping paper.
You see them enjoying the finer beverages,
Coffee, wine,
You debate their sobriety and you take them seriously.
-A
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Heat.
Where has this come from?
How did the blood
begin to flow?
The hair
begin to stand?
Hands
begin to touch?
Limbs connecting,
Warm breath whispers beneath skin.
Sheets found through seas of passion and
The Heat.
Where has this come from?
-A
How did the blood
begin to flow?
The hair
begin to stand?
Hands
begin to touch?
Limbs connecting,
Warm breath whispers beneath skin.
Sheets found through seas of passion and
The Heat.
Where has this come from?
-A
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Smoke.
I am taken back to memories once more. The habit you tried to give up, smoke lingering around your mouth. I hate it all and I love it at the same time simply because it is a part of you. I trace your sternum and the skin and hair that line it. I wish to know every piece of you, every inch, every emotion.
Before...I was like a deaf dog and you were yelling at me. Now you stomp on the floor and I feel you just fine. A poster child for distance, a failing fear, an endless friendship turned for a new road. I will forever be in awe. Exhaustion made into energy with one conversation.
I can't wait to be there. Take whatever you want from me, I'll give it all, whatever you need.
Before...I was like a deaf dog and you were yelling at me. Now you stomp on the floor and I feel you just fine. A poster child for distance, a failing fear, an endless friendship turned for a new road. I will forever be in awe. Exhaustion made into energy with one conversation.
I can't wait to be there. Take whatever you want from me, I'll give it all, whatever you need.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Nederland.
Once, when we moved away,
She came from Nederland one day,
She showed photos, we frowned,
Her children could never be fixed or be found.
We flew away,
We'd never stay,
Hearts all the same,
I was ashamed
Of myself.
We sat on your front lawn,
Sharing our stories of trips you'd been on,
The stars and the flames both sang,
It was all fine until the telephone rang.
I watched them all night,
Our family cried for it,
Never turned out a light,
A mothers ended fight.
-A
She came from Nederland one day,
She showed photos, we frowned,
Her children could never be fixed or be found.
We flew away,
We'd never stay,
Hearts all the same,
I was ashamed
Of myself.
We sat on your front lawn,
Sharing our stories of trips you'd been on,
The stars and the flames both sang,
It was all fine until the telephone rang.
I watched them all night,
Our family cried for it,
Never turned out a light,
A mothers ended fight.
-A
Seven Months.
Stench of new mulch,
Sky's foggy and gray,
Why has everything beautiful
Turned to something horrible.
Hello, are you even hearing me?
Panoramics stuffed with
Poor heroin addicts,
Facing old habits from old attics.
Consumed like wild fire,
You run back home
With a rumble and a light
Reminds me of that night.
Off and on, you come over unannounced,
Windows down, we drive
With fingers like wine,
Your hands in mine.
Who can say for certain,
Maybe you've been here all along,
I can feel you all around me now,
hopelessness, can't let me down.
-A
Sky's foggy and gray,
Why has everything beautiful
Turned to something horrible.
Hello, are you even hearing me?
Panoramics stuffed with
Poor heroin addicts,
Facing old habits from old attics.
Consumed like wild fire,
You run back home
With a rumble and a light
Reminds me of that night.
Off and on, you come over unannounced,
Windows down, we drive
With fingers like wine,
Your hands in mine.
Who can say for certain,
Maybe you've been here all along,
I can feel you all around me now,
hopelessness, can't let me down.
-A
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Untitled.
You lay in the room next to mine,
your eyes are closed I'm sure,
Or maybe your eyes are open,
you're horizontal without a stir.
I lay in the room next to yours,
I'm thinking, wide awake,
Wishing I had taken the opportunity,
Opportunities I never take.
I tempt you with my words,
I'm hoping you will stay,
You come and find me on the floor,
I see now it's the only way.
The blankets tangle,
Our bodies rustle beneath,
If we ever were to get caught,
we could never conquer the grief.
So for now it is a secret,
locked behind closed doors,
the only way to take you now,
is to keep you coming for more.
-A
your eyes are closed I'm sure,
Or maybe your eyes are open,
you're horizontal without a stir.
I lay in the room next to yours,
I'm thinking, wide awake,
Wishing I had taken the opportunity,
Opportunities I never take.
I tempt you with my words,
I'm hoping you will stay,
You come and find me on the floor,
I see now it's the only way.
The blankets tangle,
Our bodies rustle beneath,
If we ever were to get caught,
we could never conquer the grief.
So for now it is a secret,
locked behind closed doors,
the only way to take you now,
is to keep you coming for more.
-A
Monday, September 28, 2009
The Experiment.
These numbers and figures in my head,
they turn me 'round,
most of the time I'm unsure where's
up and where's down.
I found my phone hidden right above
the thermostat,
I caught you next to the wall curled up
just like a cat.
I ran my fingers like surfers through
waves in your hair,
And we wept while we slept with visions
we barely dared
To dream with eyes half shut and our minds
closed like windows
In winter, like hearts of a thousand
who've been widowed.
You kissed my brow, you apologized
for beating me up,
I made you some cookies, and you shared
your water cup.
I love you for the hair on your legs,
Your huge knuckles,
For when you sing like an opera star,
And laugh at couples.
But everytime my ear's to your chest,
there's not a beat,
The noise from your heart sounds more like
Shackles on feet.
-A
they turn me 'round,
most of the time I'm unsure where's
up and where's down.
I found my phone hidden right above
the thermostat,
I caught you next to the wall curled up
just like a cat.
I ran my fingers like surfers through
waves in your hair,
And we wept while we slept with visions
we barely dared
To dream with eyes half shut and our minds
closed like windows
In winter, like hearts of a thousand
who've been widowed.
You kissed my brow, you apologized
for beating me up,
I made you some cookies, and you shared
your water cup.
I love you for the hair on your legs,
Your huge knuckles,
For when you sing like an opera star,
And laugh at couples.
But everytime my ear's to your chest,
there's not a beat,
The noise from your heart sounds more like
Shackles on feet.
-A
Sunday, September 20, 2009
The Wrecking Crow.
I dreamt of this girl last night.
She was thin and she was young,
She had a crow on her shoulder,
A monkey on her back.
I thought of this girl last night.
She weathered years of wandering,
She wept for the crucifix,
A promise she could never find.
I sought out this girl last night.
She needed to be told that
She was as beautiful as crown jewels,
A treasure to be seen by many.
I talked to this girl last night.
She told me no one cared for her,
She said if she were beautiful then I was
A blind bat wearing glasses.
I learned about this girl last night.
She told me we were exactly the same,
She and I had walked the same journey,
Two pieces of the same soul.
-A
She was thin and she was young,
She had a crow on her shoulder,
A monkey on her back.
I thought of this girl last night.
She weathered years of wandering,
She wept for the crucifix,
A promise she could never find.
I sought out this girl last night.
She needed to be told that
She was as beautiful as crown jewels,
A treasure to be seen by many.
I talked to this girl last night.
She told me no one cared for her,
She said if she were beautiful then I was
A blind bat wearing glasses.
I learned about this girl last night.
She told me we were exactly the same,
She and I had walked the same journey,
Two pieces of the same soul.
-A
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Them and You.
They change your mind from all the things you used to hold dear. They've convinced you of things you could never have considered two months ago. You knew what you wanted. You changed your whole way of thinking.
They make you feel.
It makes you feel.
Why you allow them in is such a mystery.
They take your money, they leave you naked in the rain.
All they want is your mind, all they need is your brain.
Like parasites bent on devouring their host. And you let them right in. You opened the door and welcomed them. You had a target on your back with a knife in the middle.
Like a thousand burning suns looking down at your with the same familiar face. You wear your coat, you sing your song.
After all of this thinking you realize that the God that everyone's after doesn't exist... But love does.
All the sudden you fall in love with everyone you see, because they can't change how you feel. Especially when what they say and what they mean don't align like jupiter and the moon.
Coexistance becomes impossible for zeal and passion.
And for Them and You.
-A
They make you feel.
It makes you feel.
Why you allow them in is such a mystery.
They take your money, they leave you naked in the rain.
All they want is your mind, all they need is your brain.
Like parasites bent on devouring their host. And you let them right in. You opened the door and welcomed them. You had a target on your back with a knife in the middle.
Like a thousand burning suns looking down at your with the same familiar face. You wear your coat, you sing your song.
After all of this thinking you realize that the God that everyone's after doesn't exist... But love does.
All the sudden you fall in love with everyone you see, because they can't change how you feel. Especially when what they say and what they mean don't align like jupiter and the moon.
Coexistance becomes impossible for zeal and passion.
And for Them and You.
-A
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Mirror.
This strange looking girl stood straight in front of me. She looked me in the eyes and I told her she was weird.
She was selfish.
She was boring.
She was stupid.
She was worthless.
The only thing she told me was that she loved me. She speaks so much more than I do, even with fewer words.
She cried to me once. She was so nice to everyone and they all still treated her like dog food. We looked to the sky. Seven metal birds flew noisily overhead. Pollution and moisture clouded our view of the reflective blue sky, but we couldn't tell the difference.
We are the same, she and I.
We are the same.
-A
She was selfish.
She was boring.
She was stupid.
She was worthless.
The only thing she told me was that she loved me. She speaks so much more than I do, even with fewer words.
She cried to me once. She was so nice to everyone and they all still treated her like dog food. We looked to the sky. Seven metal birds flew noisily overhead. Pollution and moisture clouded our view of the reflective blue sky, but we couldn't tell the difference.
We are the same, she and I.
We are the same.
-A
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
The Red Dress.
A false hope resounds within me.
I can't let it go. It will never slow.
My fear is fading fast,
And you see me for exactly who I am.
I can't change your mind, but
maybe you can't change the inevitable.
I am shaking and I can't figure out why.
I am bruised down to the bone.
I am like jello to your mold.
I am read like a book, cover to cover,
And you're already done with me.
You've got what you needed,
Self reliability and technicalities
theyre shadowed by the light that
shines through the cracks in your words.
I don't believe you for a second.
I don't believe you at all.
You're just trying to convince yourself now.
Everybody needs somebody sometimes.
Sometimes.
Even if its only when they
wear the red dress.
-A
I can't let it go. It will never slow.
My fear is fading fast,
And you see me for exactly who I am.
I can't change your mind, but
maybe you can't change the inevitable.
I am shaking and I can't figure out why.
I am bruised down to the bone.
I am like jello to your mold.
I am read like a book, cover to cover,
And you're already done with me.
You've got what you needed,
Self reliability and technicalities
theyre shadowed by the light that
shines through the cracks in your words.
I don't believe you for a second.
I don't believe you at all.
You're just trying to convince yourself now.
Everybody needs somebody sometimes.
Sometimes.
Even if its only when they
wear the red dress.
-A
Thursday, September 3, 2009
The first star.
Dust swept feet,
Sandy knees,
And blisters that I am proud of.
The remnants of the night before that I sure as hell needed.
On a frequent basis I an comfused.
Thousands of thoughts fill the wrinkles in my cranium while I lay at the edge of the pool with my feet in the water. I sing to the stars, and to you, my own little way of pleading for them to come out while the sun still sets before me. The first star is visible finally. You point it out while we lay with dust and sand and concrete in our hair. We are being eaten alive by bugs but we don't even care.
You sit up and suddenly the first star disappears with the clouds. It becomes unsearchable.
I am in constant awe.
Minutes later we share a chair, the kind that are designed for lounging alone, but we weren't. We intertwined and felt bloods resistance to gravity. Heartbeats and God. They find eachother somehow. My shirt hung low and you probably caught a glimpse while I was still singing to the stars and to you.
At times I felt as if the cats in the bushes were spying on us. I think I was spying on us, too. We heard them rustle the brush but we could never see the lioness that hid behind the green.
A kiss on the head and I am off. Another opportunity missed but not another evening wasted.
-A
Sandy knees,
And blisters that I am proud of.
The remnants of the night before that I sure as hell needed.
On a frequent basis I an comfused.
Thousands of thoughts fill the wrinkles in my cranium while I lay at the edge of the pool with my feet in the water. I sing to the stars, and to you, my own little way of pleading for them to come out while the sun still sets before me. The first star is visible finally. You point it out while we lay with dust and sand and concrete in our hair. We are being eaten alive by bugs but we don't even care.
You sit up and suddenly the first star disappears with the clouds. It becomes unsearchable.
I am in constant awe.
Minutes later we share a chair, the kind that are designed for lounging alone, but we weren't. We intertwined and felt bloods resistance to gravity. Heartbeats and God. They find eachother somehow. My shirt hung low and you probably caught a glimpse while I was still singing to the stars and to you.
At times I felt as if the cats in the bushes were spying on us. I think I was spying on us, too. We heard them rustle the brush but we could never see the lioness that hid behind the green.
A kiss on the head and I am off. Another opportunity missed but not another evening wasted.
-A
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
A Peace of Mind.
We're tapping fingers on scarred knees. I hope you never forget that I like the way you sing,
The way it feels to run my fingers through the hair thats on your head,
The way it feels to graze your elbows in the movies on accident.
The way it feels to rediscover something we've been missing for years.
I guess the orchard hasn't seen its apples yet. I thought the seed just hadn't been planted. That it would take some time and some water and some sunshine. But no, the seed has indeed been planted, too stubborn to bear fruit or to bear anything. Too numb to sprout more than just wood and leaves.
Forward motion hasn't helped me thus far. Perhaps Im just not being patient enough. Disappointment sets in for both parties, especially the one I was attending.
At least I made some kind of impact, whether its the one I wanted or not.
Suddenly, sunlight seems like the lottery.
You can buy your way out of darkness,
You can trade it in for a Peace of Mind.
Trust your gut or follow your heart,
Filter out all the junk,
throw away all the rest.
But if the moment is right, if the lighting is perfect and the composition is beautiful, how could you ignore it? A masterpiece, a gift, a rise of the trousers, a shift of the hips,
Would you ignore it?
-A
The way it feels to run my fingers through the hair thats on your head,
The way it feels to graze your elbows in the movies on accident.
The way it feels to rediscover something we've been missing for years.
I guess the orchard hasn't seen its apples yet. I thought the seed just hadn't been planted. That it would take some time and some water and some sunshine. But no, the seed has indeed been planted, too stubborn to bear fruit or to bear anything. Too numb to sprout more than just wood and leaves.
Forward motion hasn't helped me thus far. Perhaps Im just not being patient enough. Disappointment sets in for both parties, especially the one I was attending.
At least I made some kind of impact, whether its the one I wanted or not.
Suddenly, sunlight seems like the lottery.
You can buy your way out of darkness,
You can trade it in for a Peace of Mind.
Trust your gut or follow your heart,
Filter out all the junk,
throw away all the rest.
But if the moment is right, if the lighting is perfect and the composition is beautiful, how could you ignore it? A masterpiece, a gift, a rise of the trousers, a shift of the hips,
Would you ignore it?
-A
Monday, August 31, 2009
P.S.
This must be a joke.
You must be
Kidding.
Were you just
dreaming?
Or should I be
Pleasantly shocked?
Come on, come on,
you know we'd be
a great team.
Bump, set, spike it,
because thats the way
We Like It.
Even if you use me,
We can both get
The best of both worlds,
Right?
Seven months,
They won't take you away.
I won't let them.
They won't steal
Your precious talent.
They can't change your mind.
Can I?
Can anyone?
Or do I just,
Think Too Much?
Maybe,
When I awaken,
I'll be
Pleasantly Shocked.
-A
You must be
Kidding.
Were you just
dreaming?
Or should I be
Pleasantly shocked?
Come on, come on,
you know we'd be
a great team.
Bump, set, spike it,
because thats the way
We Like It.
Even if you use me,
We can both get
The best of both worlds,
Right?
Seven months,
They won't take you away.
I won't let them.
They won't steal
Your precious talent.
They can't change your mind.
Can I?
Can anyone?
Or do I just,
Think Too Much?
Maybe,
When I awaken,
I'll be
Pleasantly Shocked.
-A
The Secret.
I've got a secret,
I would tell you if I thought I could.
I've got a notion,
You know I wouldn't hide it if I could.
I've got all of the algorithms
Figured out in my head.
Even if its only in my dreams,
only in my dreams.
Whenever I consider my odds,
I feel useless.
You use your mind...
Your beautiful, amazing mind.
You think more than anyone I know.
But your heart...
Your heart withholds even more beauty.
You can't love with your mind
Like you can with your heart.
It's as if your passion is on vacation,
away from the equation.
I know its hiding out, somewhere,
after being run over,
I know.
I know how it feels.
I'm sorry.
Because you are such a
Beautiful human being.
But if your heart is hidden,
you're gonna miss out on
something magnificent.
I think you've got a secret, too,
You'd tell me if you thought you could.
-A
I would tell you if I thought I could.
I've got a notion,
You know I wouldn't hide it if I could.
I've got all of the algorithms
Figured out in my head.
Even if its only in my dreams,
only in my dreams.
Whenever I consider my odds,
I feel useless.
You use your mind...
Your beautiful, amazing mind.
You think more than anyone I know.
But your heart...
Your heart withholds even more beauty.
You can't love with your mind
Like you can with your heart.
It's as if your passion is on vacation,
away from the equation.
I know its hiding out, somewhere,
after being run over,
I know.
I know how it feels.
I'm sorry.
Because you are such a
Beautiful human being.
But if your heart is hidden,
you're gonna miss out on
something magnificent.
I think you've got a secret, too,
You'd tell me if you thought you could.
-A
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Morning.
The sunbeams sneak through my window overhead,
they wake me.
My eyelids lift slowly, they reveal the world to me,
Just as I am revealed to the world once more.
How can I be half asleep,
but still not half awake?
I suddenly remember
how hard it is to say these things
and pretend they're not real.
How in the morning,
Through the window pane,
in the summer month, before schools first day,
I could tell what he was thinking.
How in the dusk,
Through the fire and smoke,
On the eighth of august, with a hidden hope,
I could see what he was reading.
Pull back the sheets,
Think about the day ahead,
School suddenly seems so mundane.
Nothing that resides there is inspiring.
Millions of other kids are in high school.
Millions of other kids are just like me.
Just like me.
I don't believe the intimidation act of teachers,
you're so fake and
you're so annoying.
You think I'm dumb,
You set such low standards.
I will prove you wrong.
"They're not superstars,
they just play football."
Do you think you're unique?
With your samba shoes,
and button up cotton shirts?
Millions of kids are just like you,
Just Like Me.
they wake me.
My eyelids lift slowly, they reveal the world to me,
Just as I am revealed to the world once more.
How can I be half asleep,
but still not half awake?
I suddenly remember
how hard it is to say these things
and pretend they're not real.
How in the morning,
Through the window pane,
in the summer month, before schools first day,
I could tell what he was thinking.
How in the dusk,
Through the fire and smoke,
On the eighth of august, with a hidden hope,
I could see what he was reading.
Pull back the sheets,
Think about the day ahead,
School suddenly seems so mundane.
Nothing that resides there is inspiring.
Millions of other kids are in high school.
Millions of other kids are just like me.
Just like me.
I don't believe the intimidation act of teachers,
you're so fake and
you're so annoying.
You think I'm dumb,
You set such low standards.
I will prove you wrong.
"They're not superstars,
they just play football."
Do you think you're unique?
With your samba shoes,
and button up cotton shirts?
Millions of kids are just like you,
Just Like Me.
To Fall.
An image of imperfection
surrounds me once more.
I am supremely jealous
Of your secret talent that I
could never possess.
I dreamt one night this week,
that you considered me.
A simple conversation determined
to determine the outcome of my morning.
I'm really hoping
that it becomes dejavu.
But, no,
This could never happen.
steadfast in your non-belief,
While I believe too much.
Such a beautiful mind,
Versus Such a delicate heart.
The battle in my head ensues,
fast forward to seven months.
The interest in my mind
is back and forth between
sex and peace,
love and dreams.
Even lately I've come to see
nothing I write is any good
unless its all about you and me.
-A
surrounds me once more.
I am supremely jealous
Of your secret talent that I
could never possess.
I dreamt one night this week,
that you considered me.
A simple conversation determined
to determine the outcome of my morning.
I'm really hoping
that it becomes dejavu.
But, no,
This could never happen.
steadfast in your non-belief,
While I believe too much.
Such a beautiful mind,
Versus Such a delicate heart.
The battle in my head ensues,
fast forward to seven months.
The interest in my mind
is back and forth between
sex and peace,
love and dreams.
Even lately I've come to see
nothing I write is any good
unless its all about you and me.
-A
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The Actor.
She met him back in the 8th grade,
He was more like a brother to her.
It's been four years now,
He became an actor,
He cut his hair in half.
He became his fame,
He cut his friends in half, too.
She sits next to him now,
He doesn't pay much attention to her,
Except to ask for answers,
He's not too great at math
ever since He became an actor,
He cut his respect in half.
He became his drama,
He cut his morals in half, too.
Last week He was arrested,
cuffed for dealing coke and ex.
She's almost glad He's not her brother anymore,
She thinks she almost could have saved Him.
-A
He was more like a brother to her.
It's been four years now,
He became an actor,
He cut his hair in half.
He became his fame,
He cut his friends in half, too.
She sits next to him now,
He doesn't pay much attention to her,
Except to ask for answers,
He's not too great at math
ever since He became an actor,
He cut his respect in half.
He became his drama,
He cut his morals in half, too.
Last week He was arrested,
cuffed for dealing coke and ex.
She's almost glad He's not her brother anymore,
She thinks she almost could have saved Him.
-A
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Matthew.
"And there's a game called
Phoenix,
But I don't know how to play it."
He's got her eyes.
He was born in October, 2004 to a woman in my bloodline,
He was born without a father;
A conception of surrogate proportions.
His mother is a school teacher,
Married before to a man who worked for Leslie's pool supplies,
It never worked out.
She always wanted more.
Matthew sits next to me now,
Velcro shoes with racecars and lightning bolts,
Freshly cut hair and long eyelashes.
The purest of hearts and the smallest of hands.
By some standards, his mother's action may have seemed
Selfish.
She wanted him all for herself.
She wanted a child so badly.
Interesting to think that this,
laughing, breathing, jumping,
Living, smiling, wonderful boy,
could be considered the result of
selfishness by some.
He is not a
Carbon Copy,
He is a
Result of
Love.
A result of a desire to
give life,
to give love.
Now, You,
Explain to me how any of this can be
Selfish?
-A
Phoenix,
But I don't know how to play it."
He's got her eyes.
He was born in October, 2004 to a woman in my bloodline,
He was born without a father;
A conception of surrogate proportions.
His mother is a school teacher,
Married before to a man who worked for Leslie's pool supplies,
It never worked out.
She always wanted more.
Matthew sits next to me now,
Velcro shoes with racecars and lightning bolts,
Freshly cut hair and long eyelashes.
The purest of hearts and the smallest of hands.
By some standards, his mother's action may have seemed
Selfish.
She wanted him all for herself.
She wanted a child so badly.
Interesting to think that this,
laughing, breathing, jumping,
Living, smiling, wonderful boy,
could be considered the result of
selfishness by some.
He is not a
Carbon Copy,
He is a
Result of
Love.
A result of a desire to
give life,
to give love.
Now, You,
Explain to me how any of this can be
Selfish?
-A
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Smile.
She gets this feeling often times,
Not a falling feeling,
more like floating
On top of mountains, above all the clouds.
All because of that smile.
A complete accident worth remembering,
he showed up and she
practically melted
right at his feet, right by his side,
All because of that smile.
For less than thirty days she'd known him,
but no, she didn't care much.
The yearly difference
barely even made a scratch, not so much as a dent,
All because of that smile.
Persuasion may never be her forte,
but, hey! Maybe at least he's glad that
He found someone
who makes him sound better, more complete,
At least it made him smile.
And, hey! She's so glad that she's finally
found someone
who makes her want to live, just simply be
Better.
All because of that smile.
Perhaps its a mistake, a mistake
as great as the Northern Lakes,
but she's not crazy, her mind's just working
overtime during the night shift.
All because of that smile.
She catches herself thinking,
"Do me a favor,
If I fall apart somehow, put me back together,
and pretend I'm not too ugly."
All because of that smile.
Not a falling feeling,
more like floating
On top of mountains, above all the clouds.
All because of that smile.
A complete accident worth remembering,
he showed up and she
practically melted
right at his feet, right by his side,
All because of that smile.
For less than thirty days she'd known him,
but no, she didn't care much.
The yearly difference
barely even made a scratch, not so much as a dent,
All because of that smile.
Persuasion may never be her forte,
but, hey! Maybe at least he's glad that
He found someone
who makes him sound better, more complete,
At least it made him smile.
And, hey! She's so glad that she's finally
found someone
who makes her want to live, just simply be
Better.
All because of that smile.
Perhaps its a mistake, a mistake
as great as the Northern Lakes,
but she's not crazy, her mind's just working
overtime during the night shift.
All because of that smile.
She catches herself thinking,
"Do me a favor,
If I fall apart somehow, put me back together,
and pretend I'm not too ugly."
All because of that smile.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Figure.
After being beaten down
you learn to live with the
Throws of Young Love.
Love is Relative.
my tiny hands don't equate to
A tiny heart.
And as far as human beings go,
You make me look like a robber.
We industrialize more
than we can afford,
we play our virtual games
until we get bored.
But it doesn't make sense.
'cause they always told us
to think outside the box...
But I want to know
Something different.
What is this box
Anyway?
Who put my thoughts here?
Who made the box?
Maybe when I figure that out,
I'll be able to decide whether
Or Not,
I'll stay in this box.
you learn to live with the
Throws of Young Love.
Love is Relative.
my tiny hands don't equate to
A tiny heart.
And as far as human beings go,
You make me look like a robber.
We industrialize more
than we can afford,
we play our virtual games
until we get bored.
But it doesn't make sense.
'cause they always told us
to think outside the box...
But I want to know
Something different.
What is this box
Anyway?
Who put my thoughts here?
Who made the box?
Maybe when I figure that out,
I'll be able to decide whether
Or Not,
I'll stay in this box.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Bones and neglect.
These days there's
sand between my bones.
I'm having trouble being,
Trouble just breathing.
My freedom is fading,
all because you want your sleep.
The smoke is rising and
we're all gonna boil over.
Maybe if you would just
Love us with your heart
and not your mind,
We'd all get along.
And maybe if your youngest
Would stop being so selfish,
Be more willing to give,
We'd all get along.
She feels as if the world
Doesn't want her around.
But thats not true.
She just can't sacrifice.
Even the small things, like
helping with grocieries,
Sweeping the floor,
She's too good for it.
Even when times are tough
Finances cause stress and
Mom is on the brink,
She desperately needs new things.
She steals.
She fights.
She cries.
She screams.
And we're very close to being
Done.
sand between my bones.
I'm having trouble being,
Trouble just breathing.
My freedom is fading,
all because you want your sleep.
The smoke is rising and
we're all gonna boil over.
Maybe if you would just
Love us with your heart
and not your mind,
We'd all get along.
And maybe if your youngest
Would stop being so selfish,
Be more willing to give,
We'd all get along.
She feels as if the world
Doesn't want her around.
But thats not true.
She just can't sacrifice.
Even the small things, like
helping with grocieries,
Sweeping the floor,
She's too good for it.
Even when times are tough
Finances cause stress and
Mom is on the brink,
She desperately needs new things.
She steals.
She fights.
She cries.
She screams.
And we're very close to being
Done.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Need.
Driven farther than extinction,
I find myself failing.
I am pushing a car with a tank full of gas,
I am the one running on empty.
The feeling is not universal,
I find myself thinking.
I am fishing for an impossible animal,
I am the one who is baitless.
There can be no convincing,
I find myself realizing.
I am wishing for something unrealistic,
I am the one without a clue.
The modern savior surrounds me,
I find myself paralyzed.
I am seeing someone so contradictory,
I am the one who needs you.
-A
I find myself failing.
I am pushing a car with a tank full of gas,
I am the one running on empty.
The feeling is not universal,
I find myself thinking.
I am fishing for an impossible animal,
I am the one who is baitless.
There can be no convincing,
I find myself realizing.
I am wishing for something unrealistic,
I am the one without a clue.
The modern savior surrounds me,
I find myself paralyzed.
I am seeing someone so contradictory,
I am the one who needs you.
-A
Sunday, August 16, 2009
South FW.
He brought us to a
halfway abandoned
Slaughter House.
I thought it ironic
that a place which
once took away life
so readily,
now practically
bleeds artistic flow.
You left your mark
on the wall,
ten years ago.
Suddenly I felt as though
I had taken you back
to a place you had
never wanted to revisit.
Our steps were quiet
and cautious, and
the sun lit each floor dimly,
while sirens blared
in your conscience.
Two thin dogs ran
off into the distance,
My heart still thumps
with angst.
We visited your grandmother.
Her eyes were
filled with love, and
Yours lit up, too.
A kiss on the cheek,
A wash of the hands,
and off we went.
You drove past
the house you grew
Up in, the house you
dealt with so much in.
You acted as if it
weren't your home,
but a place you merely
resided in.
I have discovered that
I am the single most
Boring Person Ever.
-A
halfway abandoned
Slaughter House.
I thought it ironic
that a place which
once took away life
so readily,
now practically
bleeds artistic flow.
You left your mark
on the wall,
ten years ago.
Suddenly I felt as though
I had taken you back
to a place you had
never wanted to revisit.
Our steps were quiet
and cautious, and
the sun lit each floor dimly,
while sirens blared
in your conscience.
Two thin dogs ran
off into the distance,
My heart still thumps
with angst.
We visited your grandmother.
Her eyes were
filled with love, and
Yours lit up, too.
A kiss on the cheek,
A wash of the hands,
and off we went.
You drove past
the house you grew
Up in, the house you
dealt with so much in.
You acted as if it
weren't your home,
but a place you merely
resided in.
I have discovered that
I am the single most
Boring Person Ever.
-A
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Floating.
My soul is gathering dust
Like an old bike being
stored in the garage.
But he looks at me and smiles,
always, even without much
to smile about.
I must be a bad luck charm.
An omen that just
can't be ignored.
It's a mad world,
and while we cling to the bad,
We watch the good float wayward.
Like soap bubbles from a stick,
plastic and string in the wind.
Like smoke on the breath of your teen years.
Like an old bike being
stored in the garage.
But he looks at me and smiles,
always, even without much
to smile about.
I must be a bad luck charm.
An omen that just
can't be ignored.
It's a mad world,
and while we cling to the bad,
We watch the good float wayward.
Like soap bubbles from a stick,
plastic and string in the wind.
Like smoke on the breath of your teen years.
Cinnamon.
The secret suddenly surrenders itself,
turns my smile to shock.
Unimaginable, how a simple detail
Could've evaded me for so long.
Maybe I'll wait,
Maybe I'll stick around,
with the hope that nothing's gonna change.
I honestly haven't felt this
Flustered,
in easily a year.
But the fire's casting a glow
gently following the
simple quiet movements of
Your voice in the summer air.
I'm impatient to see a
Piece of the Old You.
I know you got caught but
I can't cease to find so many
incredible stories.
I'm annoyed with myself
but I can't help but wonder
If I had been crafted just
a few years sooner,
If I'd be wanted.
Burns Like Acid,
Tastes Like Cinnamon.
turns my smile to shock.
Unimaginable, how a simple detail
Could've evaded me for so long.
Maybe I'll wait,
Maybe I'll stick around,
with the hope that nothing's gonna change.
I honestly haven't felt this
Flustered,
in easily a year.
But the fire's casting a glow
gently following the
simple quiet movements of
Your voice in the summer air.
I'm impatient to see a
Piece of the Old You.
I know you got caught but
I can't cease to find so many
incredible stories.
I'm annoyed with myself
but I can't help but wonder
If I had been crafted just
a few years sooner,
If I'd be wanted.
Burns Like Acid,
Tastes Like Cinnamon.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Hope-full / this is crap.
There's some independence on your step,
You don't need anyone at all, no,
You don't need me.
Oh but if you're the King,
I wanna be your Queen.
If you're a slammed door,
At least let me be the screen.
If you're a can of paint,
I can be the fumes.
If you decide to build a house,
I'll help you make the rooms.
Theres some danger in your style,
some secret you won't share
you won't share with me.
-A
You don't need anyone at all, no,
You don't need me.
Oh but if you're the King,
I wanna be your Queen.
If you're a slammed door,
At least let me be the screen.
If you're a can of paint,
I can be the fumes.
If you decide to build a house,
I'll help you make the rooms.
Theres some danger in your style,
some secret you won't share
you won't share with me.
-A
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Meteor.
I asked you to play,
but you said no.
Ive fooled myself into thinking
that maybe we could be
more than just two friends
swinging from the trees,
More than just two pieces of paper,
folded into patterns which
resemble floating birds.
We're soaring from
the tallest buildings...
Maybe our flight plans were destined to cross.
I asked you to stay
but you really had to go.
-A
but you said no.
Ive fooled myself into thinking
that maybe we could be
more than just two friends
swinging from the trees,
More than just two pieces of paper,
folded into patterns which
resemble floating birds.
We're soaring from
the tallest buildings...
Maybe our flight plans were destined to cross.
I asked you to stay
but you really had to go.
-A
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Untitled
When it comes to love,
My feet are always flat
On the ground.
And suddenly came you,
and your eyes of
Brown or blue...
I can't think of which, but,
You keep me on my toes.
Theres a hurricane
circling in my head.
The warm winds are
Yes...
The cold winds are
No.
But I'm thinking tropical.
When you're around
there seems to be
a bit more dew on the grass
Its like seeing the
Little sparkle in the snow
after the first precipitation of winter.
When you're around
My water tastes better
And everythings a little funnier.
Forget all my nonsense,
Love is just being able to put up with
the same person for
The Rest Of Your Life.
I guess it becomes
Convoluted when
A girl likes a boy,
but shes halfway committed to
someone who's long gone.
Just so you know,
I don't love you,
I just want you.
-A
My feet are always flat
On the ground.
And suddenly came you,
and your eyes of
Brown or blue...
I can't think of which, but,
You keep me on my toes.
Theres a hurricane
circling in my head.
The warm winds are
Yes...
The cold winds are
No.
But I'm thinking tropical.
When you're around
there seems to be
a bit more dew on the grass
Its like seeing the
Little sparkle in the snow
after the first precipitation of winter.
When you're around
My water tastes better
And everythings a little funnier.
Forget all my nonsense,
Love is just being able to put up with
the same person for
The Rest Of Your Life.
I guess it becomes
Convoluted when
A girl likes a boy,
but shes halfway committed to
someone who's long gone.
Just so you know,
I don't love you,
I just want you.
-A
Working Class.
Today I spent nine hours
selling movie tickets in a glass fishbowl
Its decorated with purple and green
as if to lift my cinematic spirits.
But I still hate my job and all of
the carpeted walls inside of it.
I had a four year old's handprint
all over my windows
His hair was blonde and curly and
blowing in the wind,
Just like yours did back in '07.
He asked me how in the world
would I ever get out through the
Four inch ticket hole,
And I wondered the same thing.
Just then the winds changed
and I became impatient.
A co worker of mine told me of her endeavors,
Her grandfather passed away in a hospital gown,
She acted as if he weren't there,
She smoked in her room,
and colored her hair.
I was ashamed,
But at least I had a clear view of the
Sunset.
-A
selling movie tickets in a glass fishbowl
Its decorated with purple and green
as if to lift my cinematic spirits.
But I still hate my job and all of
the carpeted walls inside of it.
I had a four year old's handprint
all over my windows
His hair was blonde and curly and
blowing in the wind,
Just like yours did back in '07.
He asked me how in the world
would I ever get out through the
Four inch ticket hole,
And I wondered the same thing.
Just then the winds changed
and I became impatient.
A co worker of mine told me of her endeavors,
Her grandfather passed away in a hospital gown,
She acted as if he weren't there,
She smoked in her room,
and colored her hair.
I was ashamed,
But at least I had a clear view of the
Sunset.
-A
Monday, August 10, 2009
Pale.
I like that you know
exactly where to go and
how to get there.
I like that my arm fits
in your window just so
I can touch the roof.
I like that you can sing
Even though you strongly
disagree.
My shoulders are pretty
sore from all this
pushing and pulling
But you're not
Twisting my arms.
I don't want to be one of those
newlyweds on sandals beach
with a flower in my hair and
sand between my toes.
I'd rather travel the world
with holes in my socks
and a knife in my pocket.
But when the light fades
I'm still invisible to most.
Can you see me?
-A
exactly where to go and
how to get there.
I like that my arm fits
in your window just so
I can touch the roof.
I like that you can sing
Even though you strongly
disagree.
My shoulders are pretty
sore from all this
pushing and pulling
But you're not
Twisting my arms.
I don't want to be one of those
newlyweds on sandals beach
with a flower in my hair and
sand between my toes.
I'd rather travel the world
with holes in my socks
and a knife in my pocket.
But when the light fades
I'm still invisible to most.
Can you see me?
-A
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Coincidence.
Love tears me up like malpractice.
Scalpel and tongs and
tapes me back up.
I'm developing my resolution,
to figure this out and
put some numbers to it,
Add some logic, maybe that'll
do it.
Now you've been long gone,
and really I went with you.
Don't leave me hanging this time
from the oak tree in your lawn.
Dont wake me up, either,
These dreams of mine, they'll come,
they'll become real.
Just you wait.
When its real late
I start to have this feeling
Like I'm floating in my chair
Like my socks arent there.
My head is whirling and I am
falling down and its all
certainly going to be
your fault.
You're beginning to make me think,
with all this talk of
watching lightning storms and
wishing I were there so we could
hold hands and kiss in front of flashing
static electricity,
that maybe you actually
Like me.
You come and go like
Summer vacation.
Scalpel and tongs and
tapes me back up.
I'm developing my resolution,
to figure this out and
put some numbers to it,
Add some logic, maybe that'll
do it.
Now you've been long gone,
and really I went with you.
Don't leave me hanging this time
from the oak tree in your lawn.
Dont wake me up, either,
These dreams of mine, they'll come,
they'll become real.
Just you wait.
When its real late
I start to have this feeling
Like I'm floating in my chair
Like my socks arent there.
My head is whirling and I am
falling down and its all
certainly going to be
your fault.
You're beginning to make me think,
with all this talk of
watching lightning storms and
wishing I were there so we could
hold hands and kiss in front of flashing
static electricity,
that maybe you actually
Like me.
You come and go like
Summer vacation.
Friday, August 7, 2009
The Advantages of Self-Doubt
I sat alone in my favorite coffee shop, watching the bubbles form in my frozen hot cocoa + 1 shot while contemplating why I feel such a need to be different. Is it a desire to be seen? Heard? Simply listened to or noticed? All of the sudden I realize all of this is simply the perspiration of my soul. Not the smelly, nervous kind, the kind when you exercise. It's like truth evolves when I work out the kinks of my brain.
There is often a persistant thought in my mind-, "What in the hell is wrong with me?" But maybe what I see as wrong maybe isn't that at all... Maybe my flaws make me who I am. Not my qualities or features or skills, but what I really can't do. What i mess up and what I misjudge. Maybe my mistakes make me much more interesting than the average joe.
Maybe I'm still an idiot.
-A
There is often a persistant thought in my mind-, "What in the hell is wrong with me?" But maybe what I see as wrong maybe isn't that at all... Maybe my flaws make me who I am. Not my qualities or features or skills, but what I really can't do. What i mess up and what I misjudge. Maybe my mistakes make me much more interesting than the average joe.
Maybe I'm still an idiot.
-A
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Eagle Mountain Lake
I awaken to the sounds of your feet rustling the sheets.
The sound of your brothers long fingernails plucking simple whimsical melodies along with your voice consumes me.
Your brother... He smokes and he spits and he's stubborn as shit but we put up with it and we still love him.
Today we took a jetski out together. You tried to throw me off but I was leeched, just like I've always been. I clung tightly and smiled with every passing wave.
Somehow, every time I leave this place, a storm rolls in.
Most days I don't know how you feel about me, but today... Today I caught a few glances inside your mind.
I find myself entrapped. I am taken away.
-A
The sound of your brothers long fingernails plucking simple whimsical melodies along with your voice consumes me.
Your brother... He smokes and he spits and he's stubborn as shit but we put up with it and we still love him.
Today we took a jetski out together. You tried to throw me off but I was leeched, just like I've always been. I clung tightly and smiled with every passing wave.
Somehow, every time I leave this place, a storm rolls in.
Most days I don't know how you feel about me, but today... Today I caught a few glances inside your mind.
I find myself entrapped. I am taken away.
-A
Friday, July 31, 2009
Good Lord...
My sister is attempting guitar whilst serenading my dog about Cockerspaniels and Hurricanes and how Chris Brown is black and white... sorta. Emphasis on the Cock. Hilarity.
These past two days were filled with lots of walking around some cool campuses. Currently I've narrowed my choices of universities down to... (Drumroll please)
1. St. Edwards University
2. UT
3. Texas State @ San Marcos
and the problems with each are...
1. Money. Not Enough of it.
2. I won't get in.
3. It's too far away from Austin.
Speaking of money.... $110,000 for four years of schooling?! Ridiculous. Hopefully I'll get tons of scholarships. Apparently St Eds hands 'em out like candy.
This is depressing. Wafflehouse will make me feel better later.
-A
These past two days were filled with lots of walking around some cool campuses. Currently I've narrowed my choices of universities down to... (Drumroll please)
1. St. Edwards University
2. UT
3. Texas State @ San Marcos
and the problems with each are...
1. Money. Not Enough of it.
2. I won't get in.
3. It's too far away from Austin.
Speaking of money.... $110,000 for four years of schooling?! Ridiculous. Hopefully I'll get tons of scholarships. Apparently St Eds hands 'em out like candy.
This is depressing. Wafflehouse will make me feel better later.
-A
Monday, July 27, 2009
Hoo-ah!
I'm makin' dessert tonight...
Grilled peaches with a blackberry glaze garnished with mint and fresh whipped cream. Dang.
The only reason I'm mentioning this is because i'm about to start a strict food regiment. And by strict I mean, No fast food, no soda, as little sugar as possible. The only exception to this will be coffee. Why, you ask? Because its good for me. And I think I need a change.
I feel somewhat stuck in a rut. I'm always waiting, wishing, hoping... Never Doing, or being, or knowing. I still need a flippin' bike. And to figure my whole school situation out.
I spent most of my day in the rain today, which was, surprisingly nice. Although 80% of today's adventures turned out to be a bummer, the 20% pretty well overruled everything else. I love old friends coming home to visit. I do not love grapevine mills AMC 30. They are jerks.
I've reconsidered starting my book back up again. We'll see how that goes.
In the meantime, the downtime, and the good times,
-A
Grilled peaches with a blackberry glaze garnished with mint and fresh whipped cream. Dang.
The only reason I'm mentioning this is because i'm about to start a strict food regiment. And by strict I mean, No fast food, no soda, as little sugar as possible. The only exception to this will be coffee. Why, you ask? Because its good for me. And I think I need a change.
I feel somewhat stuck in a rut. I'm always waiting, wishing, hoping... Never Doing, or being, or knowing. I still need a flippin' bike. And to figure my whole school situation out.
I spent most of my day in the rain today, which was, surprisingly nice. Although 80% of today's adventures turned out to be a bummer, the 20% pretty well overruled everything else. I love old friends coming home to visit. I do not love grapevine mills AMC 30. They are jerks.
I've reconsidered starting my book back up again. We'll see how that goes.
In the meantime, the downtime, and the good times,
-A
Friday, July 17, 2009
Finally got a letter.
"I was on the couch the night before you left...
You gave me two marker tattoos on my forearm
and two kisses on the forehead.
I was on your porch the morning you left...
The smoke sank into my skin while we
intertwined with cats in our laps.
I was lost in downtown the night you left...
We visited you in your hotel just before they
shaved your head and shipped you out.
Its been two weeks since you left...
I've never been so proud and scared
all at the same time. "
-A
You gave me two marker tattoos on my forearm
and two kisses on the forehead.
I was on your porch the morning you left...
The smoke sank into my skin while we
intertwined with cats in our laps.
I was lost in downtown the night you left...
We visited you in your hotel just before they
shaved your head and shipped you out.
Its been two weeks since you left...
I've never been so proud and scared
all at the same time. "
-A
Thursday, July 16, 2009
It...
Surprises me how easily my mood can be changed just from a phone call.
I went from dreadful to beaming in a matter of seconds. Anyone have any good photos of me?
-A
I went from dreadful to beaming in a matter of seconds. Anyone have any good photos of me?
-A
I've made up my mind.
I wanna travel for the rest of my life.
It seems that getting married probably won't happen, anyways. So, I'm off to Thailand or Venice or whatever floats my boat. Get it?
It seems my whole life post-childhood has been about branching out while being safe. I was such a safe kid. I didn't hang upside down. I didn't jump from swingsets. I didnt break my arms. Probably out of fear. I'm probably branching out because of fear too- fear that if i don't then I'll be stuck living with my parents until I'm 23. Yikes. Like that'll ever happen...
But! Since my Austin plans are falling through, maybe it'll teach me that I don't have my life all mapped out. I need to risk it and go somewhere totally different for once. Or twice. Or as many times as I enjoy.
"In the morning, through the window shade, with the light pressed up against your shoulderblade, I could see what you were reading. "
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Hallelujah...
baby i've been here before
i've seen this room and i've walked this floor
i used to live alone before i knew you
i've seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.
I've decided that I think of myself as a lot more than I really am. I am not what I perceive. I see myself as a smart, unique, weird girl who will wind up with someone just as weird and smart and unique. Truth is... I'm just a normal boring kid. Just trying to find my way...
Today I found a tube of little white capsules containing the chemical compounds intended to make my mother happy. Which in turn, makes everyone else unhappy. I'm not sure that they work on her. I'm not sure they'll work on anyone. And either way, I'm not what can make her happy anyways. Nah, not her kids, not her husband, just some little pill marked with a letter. What does it stand for? who knows... what do I stand for?...
i've seen this room and i've walked this floor
i used to live alone before i knew you
i've seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.
I've decided that I think of myself as a lot more than I really am. I am not what I perceive. I see myself as a smart, unique, weird girl who will wind up with someone just as weird and smart and unique. Truth is... I'm just a normal boring kid. Just trying to find my way...
Today I found a tube of little white capsules containing the chemical compounds intended to make my mother happy. Which in turn, makes everyone else unhappy. I'm not sure that they work on her. I'm not sure they'll work on anyone. And either way, I'm not what can make her happy anyways. Nah, not her kids, not her husband, just some little pill marked with a letter. What does it stand for? who knows... what do I stand for?...
Friday, July 10, 2009
Its gone from too sparce...
to too often! Hah. Maybe I'm just bored.
That's probably more likely.
That's probably more likely.
Yesterday was my first good day in a while. These past few months have been more filled with reminders of my boring childhood than probably any other time in my life... I've reverted back to being between the ages of 8 and 12. And, strangely enough, playing hot lava monster with two kids I'd just met and two very dear friends has taught me more about myself than anything else this year. I'm losing my nostalgia, and living in the moment. Trying new things, meeting new people, forgetting about the person/people who make me regret the good times. Being a kid is helping me grow... Hm.
I'm gonna take the time now to say that I am really thankful for these new friends. And for my best ones. They keep my feet steady and my head from whirling into darkness. They are a beam of sunshine in my otherwise cloudy life. I love you, all. The photo is of Aaron drawing the crab on my arm, my favorite tattoo of the night before he left.
Thanks for reading.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Sorry, I know its been a while.
This week/few days has been crazy.
I can't even begin to describe how much I need to get out of here...
PREFACE: this is gonna be a rant. Sorry.
I feel. So worthless. At the beginning of the week, I went to a meeting with some recruiters from UT austin. My dream school. And, I learned that it is my dream school for a reason; it will stay in my dreams. I'm no where close to qualified to go there. I wish that I could just pass 30 people in my class with the snap of a finger, but they take the transcript from the end of your junior year, which I didn't know. So, I'm not gonna make it. Maybe I'll settle for somewhere close to Austin. Maybe I'll give up. Maybe I'll reconsider Austin all together. Pah, that's unlikely...
After that, the extremely bittersweet part of my week began. I began spending time with an awesome human being who just happened to leave for the army within the next 29 hours. This is gonna be a very long 14 weeks. I have the worst timing in the world.
The next night, we went to go visit him in the hotel he had to stay at before being flown to Georgia. Which was incredibly fun. Howeverrr, on our way back home, we got VERY VERY lost. I expected to be home at like 1130 and I got home at 1. So I got very grounded. Which really sucked. Things need to slow down. Or speed up. I can't decide.
So, then the next day... (this just keeps gettin' better, eh?) I had four cavities filled. most don't understand that I am deathly afraid of surgery/anything involving my teeth. I got there and had a mini panic attack before actually laughing at my face. I could only half smile for about three hours, and Linds just laughed at me while I drooled and attempted to speak but, to no avail. Hah.
I tried hookah for the first time this week, too. Don't try the Sex on the Beach flavor. It sucks. Hah! I feel like I need a change.
input?
I can't even begin to describe how much I need to get out of here...
PREFACE: this is gonna be a rant. Sorry.
I feel. So worthless. At the beginning of the week, I went to a meeting with some recruiters from UT austin. My dream school. And, I learned that it is my dream school for a reason; it will stay in my dreams. I'm no where close to qualified to go there. I wish that I could just pass 30 people in my class with the snap of a finger, but they take the transcript from the end of your junior year, which I didn't know. So, I'm not gonna make it. Maybe I'll settle for somewhere close to Austin. Maybe I'll give up. Maybe I'll reconsider Austin all together. Pah, that's unlikely...
After that, the extremely bittersweet part of my week began. I began spending time with an awesome human being who just happened to leave for the army within the next 29 hours. This is gonna be a very long 14 weeks. I have the worst timing in the world.
The next night, we went to go visit him in the hotel he had to stay at before being flown to Georgia. Which was incredibly fun. Howeverrr, on our way back home, we got VERY VERY lost. I expected to be home at like 1130 and I got home at 1. So I got very grounded. Which really sucked. Things need to slow down. Or speed up. I can't decide.
So, then the next day... (this just keeps gettin' better, eh?) I had four cavities filled. most don't understand that I am deathly afraid of surgery/anything involving my teeth. I got there and had a mini panic attack before actually laughing at my face. I could only half smile for about three hours, and Linds just laughed at me while I drooled and attempted to speak but, to no avail. Hah.
I tried hookah for the first time this week, too. Don't try the Sex on the Beach flavor. It sucks. Hah! I feel like I need a change.
input?
Monday, June 29, 2009
Figuring out how to be un-bored.
Today will probably be just like yesterday and the day before...
Do nothing until 430, then get ready and go to work. Closing 5 nights in a row SUCKS. And having flaky co-workers who promise to take your shift and then get "sick" suck too. At least I got to close with some alright folks last night.
Hopefully tonight will be alright too. Although, I may have to actually do work today. Bummer. Yesterday, I came to work and stocked things until my break, then I made movie meals (you know, the little kids packs that come with crappy candy, a slurp of soda and a handful of popcorn?) for a solid hour and a half with James who is a new friend of mine thanks to those paper boxes of death. Its funny how humans can bond so quickly over something so awful. But, after ending up with a new amigo and two paper cuts, I think things could be much worse.
After that fun ordeal, I washed dishes until my fingers looked like prunes and I did some more stocking. Yay for not having to deal with hungry impatient people!
End rant about my boring cinema job. Ha!
Today will likely be much much worse. Great.
Something you didn't know about me: I'm kind of a kid. I wanna go fly a kite...
Ans
Do nothing until 430, then get ready and go to work. Closing 5 nights in a row SUCKS. And having flaky co-workers who promise to take your shift and then get "sick" suck too. At least I got to close with some alright folks last night.
Hopefully tonight will be alright too. Although, I may have to actually do work today. Bummer. Yesterday, I came to work and stocked things until my break, then I made movie meals (you know, the little kids packs that come with crappy candy, a slurp of soda and a handful of popcorn?) for a solid hour and a half with James who is a new friend of mine thanks to those paper boxes of death. Its funny how humans can bond so quickly over something so awful. But, after ending up with a new amigo and two paper cuts, I think things could be much worse.
After that fun ordeal, I washed dishes until my fingers looked like prunes and I did some more stocking. Yay for not having to deal with hungry impatient people!
End rant about my boring cinema job. Ha!
Today will likely be much much worse. Great.
Something you didn't know about me: I'm kind of a kid. I wanna go fly a kite...
Ans
Sunday, June 28, 2009
first post..
I've decided that I'm gonna try this whole blogging thing out. Maybe record the interesting ventures of the summer time or something.
This week won't be terribly eventful. I'll be closing at my wonderful work place (psyche!) for 5 nights in a row. Which means getting home at 1 AM every night. Two down, three to go...
BUT! after that, I'll be leaving to Nederland, Texas for a week to see my wonderful amazing awesome cousin and aunt and uncle and friends that I miss like craaazy! 4th of July shall be incredible.
In the moment, however, I just finished watching the US vs Brazil final soccer game... Total rollercoaster of emotions. We KILLED the first half unexpectedly. it was 2-0 US as that point, and then Brazil came back at the end and won 3-2. But, the US proved in this game that they are contenders in the international soccer spectrum and that we'll be seeing them in the world cup. My pick for player of the game would have to be Tim Howard. He made some incredible saves and kept Brazil from owning us.
To end, something you didn't know about me: I love the new prius commercials that are so weird with all the people who are the environment. So cool. And the music is always interesting.
Ansley
This week won't be terribly eventful. I'll be closing at my wonderful work place (psyche!) for 5 nights in a row. Which means getting home at 1 AM every night. Two down, three to go...
BUT! after that, I'll be leaving to Nederland, Texas for a week to see my wonderful amazing awesome cousin and aunt and uncle and friends that I miss like craaazy! 4th of July shall be incredible.
In the moment, however, I just finished watching the US vs Brazil final soccer game... Total rollercoaster of emotions. We KILLED the first half unexpectedly. it was 2-0 US as that point, and then Brazil came back at the end and won 3-2. But, the US proved in this game that they are contenders in the international soccer spectrum and that we'll be seeing them in the world cup. My pick for player of the game would have to be Tim Howard. He made some incredible saves and kept Brazil from owning us.
To end, something you didn't know about me: I love the new prius commercials that are so weird with all the people who are the environment. So cool. And the music is always interesting.
Ansley
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