The Quiet Love

I have spent some amount of time trying to count and combine, while ticking clocks resound ticks and tocks but all i've found is my soul with holes like old socks. But is there any soul that is complete? Except Ghandi and Mamaji?
Who am I, really?
What do I need?
There's the person I am, and the human shrouded in robot seed, that's the one you see. Hidden from even the closest.

The wind and moon call for some peace tonight. They remind me over space and time of the fragility of life. Millions of tons of metal fly down the drive. But if he felt any love then he'll go to the Nation In The Sky, he's already there, he'll paint until it's dry.

"i have a quiet love for you, old friend." the kindest words i've ever read.

-A

Intrigue.

New Old Friend.
Beginnings thrown with endings.
An attempt is made to step back from mutual magnetism.
There is another. Posterity. She is you and she is not.
There is a side of us, unseen to any else. The Mutual Magnetism. A yearning. A throbbing. A concern.
Finding amongst rootless words a chemical compound. A method for disaster and madness and copulation. A flex and release of muscle in my eyes and thighs.
And I simply can't get enough. I have missed the attention. I have missed security. The only thing I've wanted was stability.
Stow and go. Figure you me out. A power struggle to be the control. To be captivating. Impressive or interesting.
But there's no hiding.
Through sand and fire, we all feel so lonely, and my shield and shelter is but glass.
To betray myself is to be myself.

-A

coming home. (4/25/10)

this world is so amazing.
I discovered this week how small I can feel and how great I can feel in the opposite regard. I learned that everyone will let you down. Whether you know them or not, whether they promised or not, whether they've acted like family or not. Perhaps this is the biggest wake up call I've had in a while.
it's hard to see these things from 30,000 leagues over the sea. It's hard to see deception and cheating, thievery, abuse. From up there all I can find is energy and existence. Patches of light clusters scattered through the land.
it rained on the way out of the airport. We were delayed for two hours. It was awful except for the tiny natural beauties I found lurking within the storm. The runway was lined by blue, green, yellow and orange lights that reflected without focus on the rain pattering on my window. I experienced horizontal rain, and looking out across a sea of clouds which was giving me a lightning show of godly proportions. The things causing my lateness were the most beautiful.

I should learn to slow down. Ignore the delay and enjoy the shower. Even if my seat partner from Greece likes to whine the whole time. But what does that accomplish? Nothing. Moments spent on annoyance when happiness is far more obtainable.

-A

stability.

switch off,
please,
give a break from
reality,
insanity surrounding
anxiety,
created inside the mind,
determining
dreams versus reality but
failing,
sleep and thought have
singularity
just a response, an answer
desiring,
simply looking for mental
stability.

i am learning that the Earth and ground below
the water which calls me softly in the night,
are all just regeants of consumption,
I am temporary and they will live on.

I am learning that I am always drawn
to my opposite with meaningful thought and
sliver bones, the influential singer that
will serenade for my whole life long.

I am learning that we all are really herd animals,
enjoying our collective echelon through
successes and optimal failures that lead some
astray to a foreign undiscovered place.

I am learning that this place could destroy
my mental state of being, peace of mind.
the qualities of reality are indistinguishable
from the visions during sleep.

I am learning that espresso is alright,
that the earth is worth saving,
my habits are inclusive and that I like the way
your hair sways when you rock out en casio.

nobody know sme at all.

Chapter.

This happens to me so often.
For six years I have waited, solemnly, patiently.
I have watched you grow,
I have watched you cry,
I have held your hands in mine,
and your head in my lap when sleep was near.

The day will come when I will not be tied to anything here.
I will leave this place and I will expand my horizons.
I will mourn, I will shake off the dirt and the grime,
And I will go on.
Because there is something waiting for me on the other end.
I will set sail once comes the noon of night-time,
To a close but foreign land,
One which holds all of the untold,
Every quiet secret of my future and destinations currently unknown.

Every emotion will be uncorked and thrown to sea.
Good or bad, love or the untimely,
Some laced with ulterior motives or selfish musings,
Things which may have appeared as one thing
And revealed themselves to be another.
And soon,
I will apologize.
To everyone who I have hurt or knocked down,
To everyone who I could have helped,
To all who I didn't love with my whole heart.
I will go with lighter footsteps,
And with heavy suitcases,
And I will live.

New Appreciation

I used to reside alone, my branches hung low to my side. One night in the summer, a violent storm rolled in, filling the regional skies with light and booming noises. A young bird took shelter beneath my leaves. It sang a soft melody to comfort me all through the night. And although the bird has left my safehold, I now hold a new appreciation for the sunlight and the rainfall.

-A