P.S.

This must be a joke.
You must be
Kidding.
Were you just
dreaming?
Or should I be
Pleasantly shocked?
Come on, come on,
you know we'd be
a great team.
Bump, set, spike it,
because thats the way
We Like It.
Even if you use me,
We can both get
The best of both worlds,
Right?
Seven months,
They won't take you away.
I won't let them.
They won't steal
Your precious talent.
They can't change your mind.
Can I?
Can anyone?
Or do I just,
Think Too Much?
Maybe,
When I awaken,
I'll be
Pleasantly Shocked.

-A

The Secret.

I've got a secret,
I would tell you if I thought I could.
I've got a notion,
You know I wouldn't hide it if I could.
I've got all of the algorithms
Figured out in my head.
Even if its only in my dreams,
only in my dreams.
Whenever I consider my odds,
I feel useless.

You use your mind...
Your beautiful, amazing mind.
You think more than anyone I know.
But your heart...
Your heart withholds even more beauty.
You can't love with your mind
Like you can with your heart.
It's as if your passion is on vacation,
away from the equation.
I know its hiding out, somewhere,
after being run over,
I know.
I know how it feels.
I'm sorry.
Because you are such a
Beautiful human being.
But if your heart is hidden,
you're gonna miss out on
something magnificent.

I think you've got a secret, too,
You'd tell me if you thought you could.

-A

Morning.

The sunbeams sneak through my window overhead,
they wake me.
My eyelids lift slowly, they reveal the world to me,
Just as I am revealed to the world once more.
How can I be half asleep,
but still not half awake?

I suddenly remember
how hard it is to say these things
and pretend they're not real.
How in the morning,
Through the window pane,
in the summer month, before schools first day,
I could tell what he was thinking.

How in the dusk,
Through the fire and smoke,
On the eighth of august, with a hidden hope,
I could see what he was reading.

Pull back the sheets,
Think about the day ahead,
School suddenly seems so mundane.
Nothing that resides there is inspiring.
Millions of other kids are in high school.
Millions of other kids are just like me.
Just like me.

I don't believe the intimidation act of teachers,
you're so fake and
you're so annoying.
You think I'm dumb,
You set such low standards.

I will prove you wrong.

"They're not superstars,
they just play football."
Do you think you're unique?
With your samba shoes,
and button up cotton shirts?
Millions of kids are just like you,
Just Like Me.

To Fall.

An image of imperfection
surrounds me once more.
I am supremely jealous
Of your secret talent that I
could never possess.

I dreamt one night this week,
that you considered me.
A simple conversation determined
to determine the outcome of my morning.
I'm really hoping
that it becomes dejavu.

But, no,
This could never happen.
steadfast in your non-belief,
While I believe too much.
Such a beautiful mind,
Versus Such a delicate heart.

The battle in my head ensues,
fast forward to seven months.
The interest in my mind
is back and forth between
sex and peace,
love and dreams.

Even lately I've come to see
nothing I write is any good
unless its all about you and me.

-A

The Actor.

She met him back in the 8th grade,
He was more like a brother to her.
It's been four years now,
He became an actor,
He cut his hair in half.
He became his fame,
He cut his friends in half, too.

She sits next to him now,
He doesn't pay much attention to her,
Except to ask for answers,
He's not too great at math
ever since He became an actor,
He cut his respect in half.
He became his drama,
He cut his morals in half, too.

Last week He was arrested,
cuffed for dealing coke and ex.
She's almost glad He's not her brother anymore,
She thinks she almost could have saved Him.

-A

Matthew.

"And there's a game called
Phoenix,
But I don't know how to play it."

He's got her eyes.
He was born in October, 2004 to a woman in my bloodline,
He was born without a father;
A conception of surrogate proportions.

His mother is a school teacher,
Married before to a man who worked for Leslie's pool supplies,
It never worked out.
She always wanted more.

Matthew sits next to me now,
Velcro shoes with racecars and lightning bolts,
Freshly cut hair and long eyelashes.
The purest of hearts and the smallest of hands.

By some standards, his mother's action may have seemed
Selfish.
She wanted him all for herself.
She wanted a child so badly.

Interesting to think that this,
laughing, breathing, jumping,
Living, smiling, wonderful boy,
could be considered the result of
selfishness by some.

He is not a
Carbon Copy,
He is a
Result of
Love.
A result of a desire to
give life,
to give love.


Now, You,
Explain to me how any of this can be
Selfish?


-A

hacked!!!

hacked!!! saga!