Chapter.

This happens to me so often.
For six years I have waited, solemnly, patiently.
I have watched you grow,
I have watched you cry,
I have held your hands in mine,
and your head in my lap when sleep was near.

The day will come when I will not be tied to anything here.
I will leave this place and I will expand my horizons.
I will mourn, I will shake off the dirt and the grime,
And I will go on.
Because there is something waiting for me on the other end.
I will set sail once comes the noon of night-time,
To a close but foreign land,
One which holds all of the untold,
Every quiet secret of my future and destinations currently unknown.

Every emotion will be uncorked and thrown to sea.
Good or bad, love or the untimely,
Some laced with ulterior motives or selfish musings,
Things which may have appeared as one thing
And revealed themselves to be another.
And soon,
I will apologize.
To everyone who I have hurt or knocked down,
To everyone who I could have helped,
To all who I didn't love with my whole heart.
I will go with lighter footsteps,
And with heavy suitcases,
And I will live.

New Appreciation

I used to reside alone, my branches hung low to my side. One night in the summer, a violent storm rolled in, filling the regional skies with light and booming noises. A young bird took shelter beneath my leaves. It sang a soft melody to comfort me all through the night. And although the bird has left my safehold, I now hold a new appreciation for the sunlight and the rainfall.

-A

1/15/10 (AKA Old.)

I sink into this chair that used to be my throne, and stare at the result. 68. Failure. My pride and talent fall to the floor like melting ice cream and I am hit with the reality that maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was. So used to just understanding all concepts thrown in my direction. Finally, one has prevailed over me. Perhaps I am not alone, however. No high-fives ring out. No lighted eyes, just solemn staring faces and audible swallowing.
The day progresses. I write. I eat. I talk. I compute. I observe. I listen. I am.
Dressed in brightly colored garments as if to cast away my own dark demons of black and gray. I hand my day over. Damaged goods. Useless to me now. No turning around or fixing this mess, it is over. The wheels keep turning and I simply follow the schedule of regularity and of qualities too mundane.
-A

I don't have a title for this.

Feeling faithless from the fall,
Looking lonely lost, and hopeless,
Hanging on by what seems like just tiny thread.

Clinging closely on the cusp,
Slipping seems my sole solution,
But looking up I see I'm clutching to your chain.

I let go,
And the fear I felt forgot me.
I let go,
And the metal chain cuts me.
I looked down,
And saw my feet on solid flooring,
And now I'm glad I'm not a link upon your scam.

Unknown.

Fear,
Fear of the future, laced with hands touching skin,
What lies ahead, unknown.
If the same who occupy me now,
will choose to stay or go,
Who lies ahead, unknown.
We breathe a sigh, together now,
What happens if we can't work this out?
What lies inside, unknown.
An internal battle ensues,
My selfish nature overthrows the idea of growing up and missing out,
What lies ahead, unknown.
We are never scared to die because we're alone,
We fear the earth, the heavens,
What lies above, unknown.

-A

Coming Back.

I'm sorry I've been gone, my friend,
My journal, my unseen savior,
I know you haven't gotten the attention
You deserve, Deserve much better behavior.

I've been quite busy these days,
I've been in new things confiding,
Some children to make me feel as though,
My memories are reviving.

I've been running up and down stairs,
With a new little friend on my hip,
Even if he says my name with an extra syllable,
He can kiss me on the lip.

And though you used to be my only,
I made a realization,
That you are the thing, You are the one,
That left me sulking in my damnation.

So here's my apology, friendly foe,
I've been using you all along,
Like a crutch for the lame and healed,
I am sorry for all I did wrong.

I'm learning to be happy,
That the throws of young love are alright.
I'm learning to live this life of mine,
Instead of documenting the whole night.

-A

Seperated.

The world peels away,
so I am left here, standing,
Something to be said, but I've been too busy enjoying myself to say it.
It's like being lost in
A maze full of cotton candy,
You could get yourself out of it but you sure as hell don't wanna.
Even after feeling this,
Disconnection,
Nothing else exists, two mutual files in an otherwise empty file cabinet.
Best moments of my mere existence,
I can feel myself in that sand,
I can feel myself in those beds,
I know I'm felt there, I'm sure of it.
I am not there, but Oh, I am so far from here.

-A